It's one week before Christmas and I am all ready for it except for doing my Christmas cards. We didn't spend as much this year as we have in years past. That may be a good thing, I just hope the family - the Grandchildren especially - aren't disappointed. We bought them children's versions of the scriptures. Actually they are just stories from the scriptures but I wanted to get them something that would remind them of the gifts we have been given from the Lord and that Christmas is really about Christ and not Santa Clause. They are only getting one gift from us.



OH! I just remembered! I have a couple of little gifts for them that I bought last summer and they aren't wrapped! Looks like I'm going to have to spend a couple of hours wrapping this next week after all.



Joe asked me if he should spoil my Christmas for me. I immediately said NO. Then he asked if he should he tell me how his Christmas isn't going to be a surprise for him. Having bought two small gifts for him this last week I was suspicious of him saying that and asked him what he knew. He admitted that he saw what I gotten him on the bank records he looks at every day. I bought him a Dowdle puzzle with my debit card not realizing it would show up there. I didn't think of that when I bought it. He also knew I got something from FYE (For Your Entertainment) He doesn't know what, yet, but it isn't going to be much of a surprise.



Foiled again! One of these years he is going to be surprised and not know what he is getting.

Maybe I should get him a lump of coal. I don't even know where I would get one for him, but I could try.... :)



I forgot to write about our Thanksgiving Day last month. It was as special as ever. I used my china, goblets, had candles on the tables with nice tablecloths and used my pretty milkglass serving dishes. It is the only time I go all out like that (somewhat to the girl's dismay - they don't like cleaning up all that finery- but hey! it's only once a year. It will be memorable to them in future years, I hope in a good way.) I borrowed Daniel's chaffing pan to keep the potatoes warm while we sliced the turkey. I also had two tables and several folding chairs from his rental center. It made it so we could seat everyone. We put the tables up in the living room which made it crowded but fun.



I "brined" the turkey this year. I have never heard of doing that before. I happened to see a box of brining solution at the store the week before Thanksgiving and looked it up on the net. I decided to do it myself and found several recipes that sounded good. The one I chose basically had salt and spices and turned out to be delicious. I've never had such juicy turkey. I am going to do that from now on.



Janice and Emilee had the idea of putting up the Christmas tree that night instead of trying to do my tree (I don't have the stamina to do it all myself, anymore, so they have taken on the job and helped me out) and theirs the next day as we've done in the past.



Several of the grandchildren "helped" us. I have gone to all plastic bulbs for the very reason of letting the kids touch them without worrying about it. I do have about 5 or 6 glass bulbs that I hang up high so it isn't a problem. I also have the handmade ornaments June (Joe's mother) made for us about 25 years ago but I was very careful about letting them hang those. I also have some glass and Chrystal "ice cycles" that the kids hung but they got the idea about how special they were and were very, very careful with them.



It was cute and fun to see them so excited to be helping. It only took us about two hours and the tree was done and all the storage boxes packed away until January.



I have been missing Chloe since I gave her away this last week. I decided it was too much of a problem to have Steve and Janelle visit and have to leave early with bloodshot eyes and serious congestion because they were allergic to her. It seemed to get worse every time they came. The last time they came they each had rubbed their eyes and had to leave early because it was so bad.



Jennifer and Michelle each helped me put an add on line (we did two different adds) and I ended up giving her to a woman who considered her animals her "children." She was only able to have one child who is now 14 years old and she was very loving to Chloe the minute she saw her. I felt considerable relief at finding someone so good to give her to.



We had good news last week! Michelle gave birth to our newest grandchild, Mikayla Mickelle.

She only weighed a little over 5 lbs. so she is very small but darling. Michelle is happy that she has hair (more than Jenni had at 18 months old). She had to stay in the NICU for several days because she inhaled some merconium when she was born. We were a little worried about her for a few days but she ended up getting over the infection she had (from Michelle's being a little sick the week before) and her breathing problems and was able to come home this week.

Well, as usual, this post is long. I guess I should keep a journal apart from my blog but since I don't know how to set it up, it'll have to wait until someone can help me.

That's all for now,

Loves, Mither

I didn't realize it had been so long between posts.... sorry.

I got to weigh myself yesterday and I have lost a total of 102 lbs, if you count the 11 pounds I lost in OA. I also broke the 200 lb. mark I weigh 196 lbs. I still want to lose about 40-45 lbs.I am so happy that the Lord is doing the discipline for me and I am glad that I finally was ready to go to any length to lose weight. The CEA-HOW program is a marvelous diet. I am full all the time and it such a healthy way to eat.

Enough of diets, I'm on to other things.

We have celebrated Joshua, Kate, Ethan and Logan's birthdays by taking them, alone, to lunch at IHOP right around the time of their baptism. We also celebrated Brendon's Baptism by taking him out to eat, but he didn't want to go alone with us so we went with their whole family. We gave each of the kids a copy of the book How Does The Holy Ghost Make Me Feel? It is an excellent way to explain the how we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and how to use it in our lives. It just occurred to me that we never did take Holly out. We'll have to make it a point to do that.

We are in the process of getting our food storage all gathered in. I went to the Church's web page and entered "food storage calculator" and am in the process of using it to complete the necessary items to live through the hard times ahead.

(continued December 5, 2010)

I didn't realize it had been so long since I wrote this post. I don't remember whose scales I used last time I wrote but as of November 15th I have lost 100 lbs. (111 if you count the OA program I was on for 12 years.) Maybe it was at the doctor that I only weighed 192 lbs. I know that must sound terrible to weigh that much to some but when you consider that I started at 303 lbs. it's great! At least I think so.

I am serving my last week at the LDS Employment Resource center in American Fork starting tomorrow. I have put my papers in to serve as a hostess at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building next. I just talked to the Stake President Thursday night about it and he asked when I would be available to start. I told him that when I filled out the papers I put down December 10th but found out that it was possible that I would have to have surgery on the 15th. So he put off sending in the papers until I knew for sure. I found out Friday at the doctors that I definitely would be having the surgery (for both bowel and bladder incontinence - results of having so many babies) on the 15th so he is making that change on my papers and putting my available date as February 1st.

I just had a blessing tonight for a problem I am having with my meds. Some days when I wake up I feel as if the meds haven't worn off. I am sleepy and have a hard time writing up my menu to give to my sponsor. Sometimes I even have a hard time speaking to her or to my sponsees on my early morning calls. I have had to call my mission leaders to tell them I couldn't drive several times and twice had to turn around and drive home when I found I could hardly stay awake to drive myself to work (my mission.)

I went to Dr. Brown about this and he suggested I try cutting down on the medication I take for fibromyalgia, which I did, but to no avail. I have been wondering if it's some weird fluke of the Ambien I'm taking. That would seem strange since I've been on it for 12 years or so and have never had this happen before. And to further complicate the matter, it doesn't happen every day. It's happened 8 or 10 times now, though, and is becoming a real problem. Twice I've had to come home from Church because I couldn't stay awake in Sacrament meeting. It happened again, for the third Sunday, today so Joe suggested I get a blessing.

He gave me a wonderful blessing that included counsel about finding peace and comfort for my fears about the future as well as being assured that we would be able to find out what was causing the problem with my meds.

Blessings are always a wonderful thing. Joe also gave Daniel and Emilee blessings today. He was supposed to bless Daniel that his arm would get better but ended up giving him a blessing having to do with his business and personal life. After the blessing Emilee said "well, I guess Daniel didn't need his arm blessed after all." Joe had completely forgotten that that was what the blessing was for. I suggested that they just give him another blessing. David and his little girls were there. We had originally asked him to come to assist in giving my blessing but when Daniel called and asked for a blessing we called David to tell him he didn't need to come and found out that he was just pulling up to the house right then. So he came in to visit and to assist in the blessings after all. David is the one who blessed Daniel the second time.

A side note here is that Annika, Mieka, Emma and Matthew were playing in the "toy room" and found they could "talk" to Joshie through the heater vent. They thought that was extra fun. They ended up going down there to play for a little while and then they all came up stairs for a little while. It's amazing how much fun those little kids have when they all get together.... and such energy, too! I wears me out just to watch them.

I got my hair cut short yesterday. It took me more than a year to grow it out so it was something I thought long about. I thought it looked cute yesterday but today I'm not so sure I like it. Too late now, though. I guess I could try growing it out again but I'd have to go through that awful stage when it isn't long enough to do anything with and too long to look cute otherwise. Oh well....

Anyway, that's all for now.

Mither

p. s. I forgot to write about Thanksgiving Day! I'll write about it in my next post.

Very Short Post

So, I just had to write that I lost 10 more pounds this month. It is very likely that I will have lost 100 lbs by the end of the year! I can't believe this miracle is happening to me! Yay for me!

{{{hugs}}}

Mither

Short or Long?

I am tired this morning so this will be short.

I just want to tell everyone who has posted lately that I have tried to comment on all your blogs but my computer is not letting my comments go through. It keeps saying that there are "visual images" that I have to write but doesn't show the letters it wants me to reproduce. It's frustrating but at least I have gained some confidence on the computer compared to what it was like when I first started blogging.

I finally had a "slip" in my CEA-HOW program which means I didn't stay abstinent one day. The good news is that I was able to get right back on the program and didn't go on a binge or give up completely. The fact that I call my sponsor every day and go over my food with her helped me keep it in perspective.

I have been feeling very squirrely for the last week and a half as I was going over my character defects one at a time and writing about them. I noticed after doing this for 5 or 6 days that I was beginning to have very negative thoughts about myself, something I haven't struggled with for several years now. I finally saw the connection between doing my forth step (inventory of my character defects) and the negative thoughts. I talked it over with Joe and my sponsor (Carletta is her name) and decided it wasn't good for me to go about the inventory the way I was doing it, so I quit. I'm still having the negative thoughts. My sponsor said today that it was a form of pride - right - low end pride. I forgot about that. It has helped to be reminded. Anyway that's what lead to the slip.

We have gotten in to a discussion about how beating up on myself is a counterproductive way of dealing with guilt. There is a whole lot more to this discussion that I am writing about in my 12 Step journal so I won't repeat it all here. Suffice it to say that I still have a lot to learn about how guilt relates to humility and accepting myself as human/mortal and loving myself anyway.

This is shorter than my previous posts but is still longer than I had planned to write. More later.

As Ever,

Mither

Late Night, Again

It's 2:15 a.m. and I haven't been able to fall asleep yet tonight. Joe just came up (in the bonus room) and told me he forgot to put an Ambien in my pills for tonight. I'd say "Aarrgg"but it is so unlady-like so I am just biting my knuckles instead. My program on KSRR is this morning at 9:00 so I can't take a pill now or I won't be able to drive when it's time to go to the station.

I prayed that I would be calm and collected for the program. Under the circumstances I'll be lucky to be able to keep from falling asleep so calm won't even be an issue. It took me about three hours to prepare for this half hour show. I hope it goes well.

I mentioned going shopping for new clothes in my last entry. I did and found two beautiful blouses and two really nice long winter coats, one dressy and one casual. It's a good thing because when I tried on the short coat I got from Costco in front of a mirror it looked terrible. It's way too small. I may be able to wear it next winter but not this one.

I guess I can say, now, that Emilee's baby's name is Isobella. I think her middle name is Jennifer but I'm not sure about that. She has a whole head full of black hair and weighed in at right around 8 lbs. Savanna is only now reaching 8 lbs. and she is two months old. They are both "as cute as a bug's ear" as my Dad used to say. It'll be fun to have three little toddlers playing together once all three babies are around a year old. We found out that Michelle's baby is definitely and girl. She is due in December.

We celebrated Dannan and Mieka's birthdays today and everyone was there except Michael and Janelle who is in the hospital having a cancerous tumor removed from her colon. I wish it had occurred to me that I could have taken their girls one of the days Janelle was laid up. I am going to have to get used to thinking of ways I can serve my family now that the fibromyalgia is in remission.

Well, I think I'll go back to bed and see if I can get a couple of hours of sleep before I have to get up.

Cheers,

Mither

Good News Twice Over

I got to see and hold Emilee and Dan's new baby moments after she was born. I was somewhat frustrated because, through a series of misunderstandings on my part I had to finish eating my dinner in Emilee's room while everyone else got to hold and take pictures of the baby. Not only was I frustrated, I was embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Hmmm. It just occurred to me that I could have finished in the cafeteria and then gone up to the room. Didn't even cross my mind at the time. Now I feel foolish on top of feeling frustrated, embarrassed and uncomfortable. Oh well, The baby is darling but I don't want to steal any of Emilee's thunder by describing her or giving her name.

Good news.... Not as good as Emilee's but right up there with Christmas presents. You might have guessed from my reference to Christmas that I got to weigh again yesterday. Seven more lbs lost for a total of 77 lbs. Good news, again. I need to go to DI to buy new (used) clothes for work and more pants for everyday wear. This is getting more and more fun as I go. It's still hard to find pants that fit right. Always too big in the waist if they fit my hips. But the hips are smaller by 11 inches.

Can't help being THRILLED that Heavenly Father is doing the really hard part - the discipline. I needed the structure and the discipline this program calls for. The structure is the diet itself, and again, the discipline by Heavenly Father. There is no way I would have been successful on my own. I would have lasted 3 or 4 days and then lost enthusiasm and given up as I have done so many times before. (to say nothing of the fact that I wouldn't have been able to gag down all the vegetables that I really enjoy now - have enjoyed from day one.

Hey that's another thing that Heavenly Father is doing for me. Will miracles never cease, in my life? I think not! There is another one starting in my life right now. I'll let you guess. It may become obvious over the next few months. I should give a prize for the first one that guesses. Hmmm. I'll ponder on that one.


Melissa was aghast when she asked if this was the diet for the rest of my life and I intimated it was. But the truth is, it's only for today. I can do for 16 hours what would appall me if I thought I had to do it for the rest of my life. And that's the truth.

The best part about it all is that I've learned that God will do for me what I could never do for myself. All I had to do was ask. The asking was easy. So is all the rest.

Well it's 10 to 1:00 and my alarm is set for 5:00. Hope I can finally sleep.

Loves,

Mither

3:25 a.m. - Can't Sleep, Again

I have spent several hours in the dark, trying to go to sleep to no avail. At least, by getting up I can be productive by writing something about the past day.

I have been having symptoms of some kind of medical problem and today (yesterday, actually) I ended up in the emergency room at the hospital to get it checked out. I have been having mornings when I get up at 5:00 only to be so extremely tired that I can barely function. I can hardly keep my eyes open, I can't focus my thoughts, I feel disoriented. I can't carry on a normal conversation. My tongue feel as if it is an inch thick and my speech is slurred. I felt as if I had been given some sort of strong sleeping pill and can't snap out of it.

This happened occasionally at first and then with increasing frequency until this last weekend when it occurred Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Finally I called Dr Brown and when it told them the symptoms, they told me to go to the emergency room. I was in no shape to drive so I asked Stacey if she could drive me there and Joe would come and pick me up after they were through with me.

At the hospital they took me right back and ran several tests of my blood, etc. They even did a "Cat scan" but found nothing conclusive. The Doctor came in my room and talked to me about my medicines and suggested that there were two that could give me the symptoms I described. The main one he seem to think was the problem was Ambien, a strong sleeping pill that I have been taking for 12 years.

He suggested I try taking only half the dosage to see if the symptoms continued. When I talked to Janice and Emilee later in the day they said that maybe since I've lost so much weight the dosage is too high. So we cut down to 5 mg tonight and that may be why I can't get to sleep. I am going to try this for 4 days to see what happens. I hope I don't have a major flare up of fibromyalgia as a result as has happened the last two times I tried to go off.

So.... what else is new?

Well, I get to weigh myself on Wednesday. I am really looking forward to that. It's exciting to see how much I've lost each month.

Also, I've arranged to go on the radio on KSRR 1400 AM on the 27th of the month to talk about CEA-HOW and get the message out that we have a program, based on the 12 steps of
Alcoholics Anonymous that is wildly successful in losing weight, doesn't cost any money, and is the healthiest diet you could imagine. Also there is a marvelously strong support system to encourage you on in your efforts to lose weight or to gain it if you happen to be anorexic. It's for people who have any type of eating disorder

I am a little nervous about doing it for fear the symptoms of whatever is going on in my health might happen on the day I am supposed to go on the air. I have decided to ask one of the other people in our group to be ready to stand in for me if needed.

I'd really like to be the one to do it though because there are only three members of our group who have several years doing various 12 step programs and would be able to talk of how it works. I already asked one of them to do it but she is going to be out of town and I haven't yet reached the other one.

Anyway, I have been praying about this and am sure it will work out the best way. It cost me $125.00 and I am hopping to be reimbursed by the group donations, but if not it will still be worth it to me. I am willing to go to any length to do the 12th step which is sharing the message of recovery from compulsive eating to all who may want to try it.

My mission continues to go well. I am learning some of the things on the computer that would help me in dealing with a candidate but am still far from being able to do it by myself. I don't know if I will be able to do it before my mission ends on December 6th.

I am trying to reestablish the habit of getting up at 5:00 in the morning again but am finding it much harder than when I first started a year ago in August. I think once we get my sleep and feeling drugged problems worked out that it might be a little easier. We'll have to see.

Emilee is having her baby induced on Thursday. I am so happy for her. I am hoping to be of some help to her as she works herself into a routine after the baby is born. I don't think I mentioned that Adam and Stacey's baby girl, Savanna Grace was born last month. I have been able to help her out but only a few times so far. She hardly ever asks. Stacey, if you're reading this, I hope you'll feel better about asking and will do it more often. I may have to say no occasionally but don't let that stop you. I'd love to serve you in whatever way I can. Call on me.

Michelle is also expecting a baby in December. All three are having little girls. That is, Michelle's doctor thinks she is having a girl. They weren't certain but that's what they thought they saw when she had the ultra-sound.

Well that's all for now.

Loves to all,

Mither

Success Is So Fun

Here I Am At 3:10 In The Morning - HUMMM - I'd Rather
be Sleeping.

My life is incredibly wonderful! I'm loving it. I have been well and have had no symptoms of fibro. in 3-4 months. I have been going to my mission for 15 months now. I will be through in December. I've been putting out feelers for future missions, hopefully in the eating disorders meetings in the 12 Step program or in family support for the pornography group. Neither of those places would be dealing with drugs or alcohol so maybe the Church will let me serve there.

My CEA-HOW work continues to go well. I've lost *drum roll* 70 lbs. in 7 months. I get to weigh myself again in one week.

I've arranged to have a 1/2 hour program on KSRR (AM 1400) on the 27th of this month at 9:00 to 9:30 a.m. to discuss CEA-HOW and the wild success we all are having. I'm hoping we'll have several newcomers come to our meeting as a result of my "spreading the message" as required by Step 12. I'm a little nervous about it because I'm not as articulate as I used to be but I'm going forward anyway. I am making this a matter of prayer because I believe there are many women and men in this county who would love to be a part of this program if they only knew about it.

Compulsive eating is one character defect that is socially acceptable in our culture. You can still get a Temple recommend and be fat. So it's not considered a moral defect, but it certainly is a health issue We are destroying the temple - our body -, by our eating habits. We don't seem to have a way to lose weight permanently. But in CEA-HOW we are smashing the barriers and having incredible success.

I feel so much better just with 70 lbs. gone. I have had to buy a whole new wardrobe twice now. Thank heaven for D.I. and Savers. They are my favorite places to shop now. I'm only in clothes for about 3 months at a time, now, so I don't want to buy new, expensive clothes that I will only be wearing 3 months or so. I can get a whole wardrobe at D.I. or Savers for about $100.00. I have found several jackets and sweaters for winter. Finding pants that fit is still a little difficult but even that will get better as I lose weight. I also have found several skirts and one nice Sunday dress.

At Costco I found a cute winter coat that is just a little snug for only $50.00. It should fit me well when winter gets here.

Joe said last night that I was becoming very attractive as I lose weight.... Nice to hear :)
Well it's almost four 'o clock so I better hit the sack. I think I'll set my alarm for 6:00 instead of 5:00 this morning.

Wish me luck in getting a couple of hours of sleep before the alarm rings.

See Ya,

Loves to all,

Mither

Haven't written forever....sorry

My blog has been tied up for about 5 or 6 weeks now so I haven't been able to post anything nor have I been able to comment on anyone else's blog. Just so you'd know that I just didn't love you all anymore.... I am up at midnight again. Can't sleep and the Ambien is worthless. My nights and days have been mixed-up for a couple of weeks now making me unbelievably sleepy when I should go to church or to my mission. I am barely able to keep my eyes open long enough to call my sponsor or receive my sponsee's calls. Half the time I sound drunk, my tongue feels about an inch thick and I am barely coherent. I wonder what my sponsor thinks. She knows I'm LDS. I hope she believes me when I tell her I'm really not drunk, just drugged.

Speaking of my sponsor reminds me to update you all on my progress in CEA-HOW. It's been seven months now and I've lost a total of 82 lbs - 70 of it in CEA-HOW. I can't help bursting into song.... "Wonder of wonders miracles of miracles...." you get the idea. There is a woman in our group who has lost 152 lbs. since a year ago last march. She is looking really great - such an example to me. I should have lost all my weight and be on maintenance by this time next year. I have had to replace my whole wardrobe twice now. Good thing we have a good DI close by.

My trip to Los Angeles was good. I attended a lot of good lectures and ate great abstinent food the whole weekend. I had trouble walking so had to take a wheeled chair all through the airport both going and coming. I went to Dr. Brown to see what's wrong with my legs and my gait. He sent me to have several tests but it looks like just a case of needing to strengthen the muscles in my legs. I got the girls treadmill to help out and am going to go much slower this time so I don't trigger a fibro. flareup again.

I have been shopping for a new bedspread again. My white one finally literally got shredded on my side of the bed where I kneel on it to get up into bed. My efforts to shop around to get a good buy were exhausting and I couldn't find a real bedspread like they used to make when I was a girl so I went on line and found a company that made custom made bedspreads. The prices started at $1,200. for the less nice spread. The one I really wanted was about $1,700.
They were absolutely beautiful but way out of my price range.

So then I decided to make my own. Many more exhausting hours later I finally have what will be a less flashy bedspread but one that will look very nice and match the room as well. But I've put the bedspread on hold until I get Jan and Stacey's baby dresses made and Jan's friend's picture finished. They have been weighing my spirit down for much too long.

I finally have my bedroom all cleaned up except for the dresser, chest and my nightstand tops. That should take me about an hour or so to do tomorrow. It will be absolutely heavenly to go in there and have it looking beautiful again. And I won't be embarrassed anymore to have all the little grandchildren go in and hide their eyes on grandma's bed when we play the mailbox game.

Savanna Grace is just adorable, Stace. And I am serious when I say to call on me anytime you get in a bind with the kids and need some help. I would like to feel more needed and have a chance to serve more. Same goes for the rest of you. Call on me. The worst that could happen is I'll say no and whose afraid of that?

Janelle we need to take Kate out to breakfast. Is Saturday good for you/her? Let us know.

Love, Loves,

Mither

Our Vacation Was Great! Good Books, and Being Committed

We had so much fun!!! It went much too fast and I hardly spent any time at the beach (it was so cold and so windy it about blew us away and made the cold that much colder)

It was a little difficult trying to eat abstinent meals but everyone was so careful to help see that I had food I could eat that it went well for me. I made my pumpkin "pie" and it smelled delicious but tasted terrible. Too much Splenda I think.

We visited all the local sights including two lighthouses, the aquarium (which was amazing), the pools that are made on the beach when the tide goes out and we went to the Tillamook Cheese factory which wasn't local but was very interesting (we bought more cheese than we could eat in a month).... (we'll have to freeze some.) We also visited all the gift shops and a candy store (lots and lots of luscious candy so I bought some for Joe since I couldn't eat it) Turns out that he had been to that same store and bought himself some candy (we weren't together at the time I bought him the candy so I didn't know that he already had some.

The gift shops were richer by a considerable amount when we left them. The girls and I bought some light jackets that were made out of fleece and then a warmer jacket that had a warm lining and a windbreaker outer shell. I bought the small sizes of both jackets as they tended to run a little large. I should be able to wear them by next January or so. Janice tried them on for me so I could see how they would look on me when I reach my goal weight.

We hit a MAJOR traffic jam when were driving to the airport to fly home. It took us an hour to travel two miles. We were all stressed out about it because we didn't want to miss our flight but when we were about 3/4 of the way through the jam we got a call from the airline we were supposed to fly out on saying that the flight was an hour and a half late. We made it with some time to spare - MAJOR RELIEF.

After being cold all week in Oregon it felt really warm when we first got out of the airport that night.

All in all it was a lot of fun. I loved being with the girls and David's family. Annika and Mieka were little angels, never crying or being disagreeable the whole vacation. I never heard David or Melissa even raise their voices at the girls and no "time outs" either. How do they do it? I was a constant "Monster Mom" in comparison. (I know....I know.... I shouldn't compare but it's hard not to when you feel guilty and sorry you didn't do better with your kids. Anyway we enjoyed our time with them all.

I bought three book that got here today. One is a 900 page book "George Washington's Sacred Fire" that disproves the faith destroying teaching that he was a Deist. The other two are books by Hayek on the fatal effect of Socialism and it's ability to destroy America. Both of these books talk about the economic situation of our day as if he had lived in our time. He wrote the books around the 1950"s. He could see the beginning of the end even then.

Emilee made an arresting comment at our 4th of July celebration this month. We were talking about about the wealth and abundance we have in our lives and I made the comment that her children would grow up feeling "entitled" and she said her generation is the one that feels entitled. She thinks her children will grow up saying "remember what we used to have." That's sad commentary on what is happening in America now.

Our children and grandchildren will be the ones to pay for our lack of knowledge about sound economics and the terrible lack of fiscal responsibility in government today.

I leave for my CEA-HOW conference in Los Angeles on Friday. I am starting to get excited about the three day trip and not so scared about going without Joe. I lost another 7 lbs. this last 30 days. So now I weigh 227 lbs down from 292 lbs in January. I still have been granted the power to be disciplined in this program. I am so grateful for the grace of God in my life in this respect. There is an interesting thought from the AA Big Book that says "I can do for 12 hours (of this day) what would appall me if I thought I had to do it for a lifetime." That's the attitude I have to cultivate to stay committed to eating this way long term.

That's all for now,

Love to everyone, Mither

This and That, Summer Holidays

I had such a good time at our 4th of July celebration!!! I love having all my kids and grand babies here. ( missed Seth and his family though) I hate to see the day come to an end when all the kids go home. They all pitched in and got the house all cleaned up. I was a little worried about that as the house was a huge mess and I didn't want to have Janice staying to clean it all up as she usually does. But it was better than it was before they all came. Michelle and Steve even stayed and did all the dishes as well.

I have been feeling weak and tired all day today and now, tonight, I can't get to sleep. Stacey said in her blog that she hasn't been able to sleep at night either. We should get together and commiserate. I haven't been able to sleep several times this last week.

My CEA-HOW program continues to go well but I have been so sleepy in the mornings that I can hardly concentrate on what my sponsees are saying. When I try to respond I feel like I am drunk. I probably sound like it too.

We are going on vacation next week with David, Melissa and their kids and Jan and Jenn. I am really looking forward to it but I worry about where the money is coming from. Then I am going to the CEA-HOW convention from the 23rd to the 25th. Again the money thing is a problem but Joe has been amazingly supportive. I have to admit that it scares me to go without him. I am going with 3 other women but that isn't the same as having Joe there. I don't know how Melissa does it. She has traveled all over the world alone. Maybe it's because she went on a mission to Europe. This is a first for me. I hope I get to feeling better about it.

Well that's all for now. Love to everyone who reads this,

Mither

Yes, I'm still alive,

I know it's been a long time since I wrote. I still find I can't get everything done in the mornings when I go to my mission or go do genealogy with Joe (my brother) and Larry and when I have had time it seems something always interferes. I just have to find a way to get my scripture study done in thd morning. I've been praying about it and the thought came to me to have my sponsees call sometime around 4:00 or 5:00 in the afternoon. I'll have to check it out and see if it works.

I weighed in the 15th of this month and have lost another 5 lbs. I now weigh 234 lbs for a total of 57 lbs lost. I went through my closet and got most of my clothes packed up today and ready to go to the clothing exchange for CEA-HOW. Now I have about a fourth of the clothes left. I am glad I'm losing weight but it is going to be really expensive to replace clothes. One of the women who comes to our group said not to buy new clothes because you'll grow out of them in six weeks. She said to shop at DI. I have done that and gotten clothes from the clothing exchange as well. It's nice to be smaller and find clothes that fit nicely.

I had to find clothes for work as all mine are now gone. I got a cute black and white herringbone skirt (very small herringbone) and one red jacket and one black jacket to go with it. I got several pairs of pants which I really needed because all but two of my pants didn't fit anymore.

I can't write anymore because I have to go back to bed and see if I can get to sleep. I am tired now.

Loves to all,

Mither

The Hospital / Christmas Day

Bowel obstructions are incredibly painful and four days in the hospital not much fun either. At least I didn't have to have surgery so all is well.

Christmas Day means that I lost weight again this month. 14 lbs.!!! for a total of FIFTY POUNDS lost in four months. I have such good food to eat and am more than full after each meal. Giving up anything made with any kind of flour is the hardest part but well worth it to lose so much weight. If I didn't know I was on such a healthy diet I would think it was dangerous. I know I've said that before but it is true. Bring on the vegetables and proteins! :)

Random Thoughts Again

We had our monthly family birthday party last Sunday. Unfortunately I forgot it was Melissa's birthday this month and didn't have a card for her, so I didn't give the girl's their cards. So now I have two birthday cards that I can only use on the 25th of the month. Hope I don't forget. (I can't find my calendar that Melissa made up for the birthdays and summer cookouts. I'm going to have to look harder - I know it is somewhere here as I put it in a special page cover to keep it clean.)

I've been having some pretty serious dizzy spells lately. Dr. Brown has been slowly decreasing my Savella dosage and I haven't had a bad one since the Girl's Night Out (better known as GNO) three weeks ago. I shouldn't be driving as one of my co-workers pointed out to me this week. I'm going to have to work out some arrangement to get to and from work Monday. I think by next Wednesday I should be ok to drive since I will have been off the Savella by then for several days.

Our trees are finally getting leaves on them. My poor little lilac bush is doing it's best to "bloom where it's planted" but for some reason every August something happens to it and all the leaves curl up and practically die before fall. But every Spring it comes back to life as if nothing happened during the last year. It has never been able to grow big at all but has remained stunted all these years (eight) So, I am going to try to transplant it and see if that will make any difference (if it doesn't kill it first.)

Our roses are all getting buds on them and we haven't pruned them yet. Well I take that back, we did prune the two that grow over the arch in the front yard's trellis. We have a cherry tree and a plum tree that also need to be pruned Both of them are getting quite big and have never been pruned so it will take some work to get it done. We bought three new fruit trees this year and planted them in the garden along the back fence so they won't have to be mowed around every week. I still need to buy some bushes to replace the ones that died last year. If I time it right I can get them at Home Depot for $10.00 a bush. That is a huge savings from the regular price in a nursery.

That reminds me, Joe had a man from our ward who is a landscaping contractor come and look at our yard and suggest some ways we could improve it. He didn't charge us for it but asked if we buy some bushes we buy them from him. I hope that doesn't include the bushes I had already planned to buy at Home Depot.

I have been asked to complete the LDS Church Membership Survey 2010 (much like a census only has questions about church activity for ourselves and each of our children.) This is the third time in the last 30 years or so that I have been asked to do something like this. It is amazing to me because I'm sure the church doesn't do this kind of survey but every few years and out of all the millions and millions of members of the Church I should be asked to do it three times. I've never heard of anyone else but me who has been asked to do this kind of survey. The last one asked about our food storage and if we held family home evenings and those kinds of questions. This one asked about family size and the activity level of ourselves and each child. It also asked about each child's marriage (whether it was in the Temple, whether any of us had ever been divorced) and also about what office in the priesthood each of the men in the family hold, missions served, etc.

I'm wearing a bracelet Janice gave me for Mother's Day a year or two ago. It has small pearls, crystals, amethysts and tiny, tiny circles of diamonds, with charms that say "Love," "Mother," "Forever" and a small heart at the end of it. The tiny diamonds aren't real, of course, but it is very pretty anyway. It's so like Janice to make something like this bracelet. I love it. Most of my jewelery is from my children, Karla, or Melissa. I have a lovely Mother of Pearl brooch from Karla and some beautiful black pearls and also fresh water pearls from Melissa. Then I have several pearl necklaces that have little pearls spaced about an inch and a half apart on one strand and then they are combined with other strands that are staggered to make it look like the pearls are almost floating in space. Janice also gave me necklace with a mustard seed in a tiny glass box. It has a tiny gold page that has the quote about having faith as the grain of mustard seed. I tried putting it on a longer chain that I had but over the years since she gave it to me the chain has discolored. I need to get a new chain for it but just haven't found a place that sells gold chains for a price I can afford. I rarely wear much jewelry but everything I have, I love.

I just finished watching a Sherlock Holmes movie with the Guy's Game Night sons and son-in-law (Steve, Michael, Adam and Seth and Joe of course) It was a very entertaining movie but it is late now 10:00 and I am getting up at 4:30 now days so I need to go to bed.

Night All,

Love, Mither

Christmas?

I am a total ingrate! It should have been like Christmas on the 15th but since I only lost 4 lbs. I was seriously disappointed. I guess since I lost 24 lbs the first month and my eating hasn't changed at all I have expected greater weight loss than I've been having. Last month I only lost 8 lbs.

Still 12 lbs for the last two months is better than gaining weight and I am grateful for that, but I don't understand why it is slowing down so much. Still I am committed to this program and will continue my efforts and leave the weight loss results in Heavenly Father's hands.

It's a good thing we only weigh once a month.

If I lose more next month I'll title my post "Merry Christmas," then you won't have to read my blog, you'll just know I am happy.

Two Highs and a Low

Melissa had the neatest idea (as usual-she always comes up with something fun to do) for a girls night out which became a reality this last Friday and Saturday. We (Jenn, Jan, Emilee, Karla, Janelle, Melissa and I) had a slumber party! She has a brother and sister who own a cabin (read really large house) in a canyon East of Heber City. We all stopped at a restaurant in Heber and had dinner and then drove up to the cabin. Up being the defining word for the last two hundred feet of the drive. The hills was steep and very muddy with large ruts that almost devoured Karla's car.

Jenn was hyperventilating by the time they made it to the cabin. (Just kidding, Jenn) We all had to give her a bad time about how scared she must have been even though we weren't there in the car with her (she and Janelle were in Karla's car which doesn't have 4 wheel drive. The rest of us were in Melissa's Jeep which does.) Somehow Jenn has gotten the reputation of being the one to "freak out" at things like that. It was all in good fun and she was good to go along. Karla did and amazing job of driving that little car up such a steep and bad hill. She said her Dad(?) had taught her how to drive like that and she had no doubt that she could do it, and she did! She has an amazing repertoire of talents.

We spent the night playing a couple of games which had some of us feeling very smart and others feeling somewhat less so ;) Then we sat around on big comfy couches and chairs (except for Karla who uncomplainingly sat on the carpet) and just talked for a long time about all kinds of things, ending up with how blessed we were to live where we lived and have the lifestyle we have -- especially compared to most of the people of the world. Then we all went to bed (11:15, not one of those late, late night parties we might have had if we were younger.)

I slept in a bed that was so high that I literally had to get a step stool to get up in. I slept really well most of the night. I did wake up and read my scripture for a little while and then went back to sleep and didn't wake up until about 8:00!(really late for someone who usually gets up at 5:00) Then everyone had a big breakfast of eggs pancakes and bacon(?) (I had two cheese sticks and an apple which weren't as filling, maybe, as there's was but it's worth it for the weight loss)

I fell asleep again in one of the big chairs and when I woke up I heard Melissa cleaning the bathroom right off the main room. I asked her if I could help her but she insisted that I go downstairs and watch the movie everyone else was watching. I have felt guilty ever since that I didn't just start helping out regardless of her insistence. The least I could have done is suggested that we pause the movie and all of us go up and help out with the work. I don't really feel guilty, now days, compared to what I used to. Since I came to understand the atonement I usually handle my guilt feelings by repenting pretty quickly, but this time I felt really guilty all day yesterday, and wished I could go back and do it over again the right way. I don't quite know how to make up for it. I'll have to pray about this one.

We took Joshie out for lunch to celebrate his receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost when I got home from the sleepover. He was really excited. We gave him a little book that talked of all the feelings, warnings and guidance we get from this member of the Godhead and read it while we were waiting for our food to come. We went to I-Hop (International House of Pancakes) He loved the pancakes and on the way home in the car, he asked us about some of the things we read. I told him the story of Heber J. Grant (?) being warned not to go in a shack out in a field by an audible voice and about my sister, Annette, having an audible voice tell her that she could pray about a problem she was having. She hadn't yet thought of doing it so it was a real surprise to hear a voice telling here that. She even looked around her bedroom to see where the voice came from but of course there was no one there.

Joshie was fascinated by the stories and asked if they were true. I reassured him that they were. He asked if that would happen to him and I said it could at some point in his life but he would have to keep the commandments. Then he asked what the commandments were Joe and I both mentioned some of the ten commandments and talked about repenting when he hits his brothers or sister or does something else wrong. It was a priceless "Sunday School" lesson given in answer to his questions, probably one of the best he will have in his young years for that very reason. It was all I could have asked for to teach him about the Holy Ghost. It was a direct answer to my prayers for Joshie.

Today I am really, really down in the dumps. I don't know why. I didn't go to Church today. I felt extremely tired last night and it has hung over to this morning. I did get up at my usual 5:00 o'clock time but went back to bed at 8:00 because I was just so tired. Maybe I'm coming down from such and emotional high that in comparison I'm feeling the down time more.

Anyway, at least I am writing in my blog/journal. Well I have a headache so I'll go take something for it and see if I can concentrate enough to read my scriptures or watch KBYU. They usually have Conference talks or devotionals all day on Sunday.

Well, Cheers,

Mither

Life Goes On....

The flareup has flared down. I can't believe it! It's so good to feel good. I have been on the fibro. medication for about a week and a half now and I think that, a priesthood blessing that was given me a couple of weeks ago, and some very strong pleadings with the Lord in prayer have given me back my life.

I went to my mission yesterday for the first time in almost two weeks. I was thinking on the drive in to work (mission) that I was doing very little work there - I only answer the phone - that I really wasn't needed there. I began praying about it in the car to know the Lord's will and get some guidance. I thought maybe the Lord wanted me to try harder to get the computer skills to do the work with the "candidates" (people who come in for help).

I've had other callings in the Church that in hindsight could have used the kind of prayer I felt impressed to pray right then. Anyway, after praying about it and having different thoughts come to mind, the one that seemed to be from the Lord and not me was --are you I willing to do a "lowly" job that wouldn't be something your ego would benefit from?

Yeah, that was humbling.

I am glad to say that I am more than willing. I have decided to bring good books or my scriptures to work with me so I will have something to do between phone calls.

We celebrated Easter (bunny and candy) last night so it wouldn't interfere with Conference either Saturday or Sunday. We had a barbeque (sans barbeque) after the "hunt" which turned out really well. It has helped to have the two empty bedrooms for the kids to play in even though there aren't very many toys in there to play with. And I wasn't even nervous about food getting spilled which was weird because in all the cookouts we've had indoors (cookouts, indoors?) we've never really had anything spilled. But last night someone spilled a full glass of rootbeer on the tile and carpet and I wasn't even phased by it. Who would have guessed? Maybe all my stressing about it over the years has finally worn off and left me calm and collected. I haven't even checked today to see if there is a big spot on the carpet from it. So what if there is? It was worth it to have all my children and grandchildren there.

We had two broken hearts (with tears) last night. One was Jenni, who didn't get very much candy compared to some of the littler kids who got more time and opportunity to hunt. That one was saved by some candy I bought that wasn't put out for the hunt. I was going to put one chocolate egg in my purse so I would have something if my hypoglycemia ever acted up (or my blood sugar dropped suddenly as it has been known to do.) But I decided later that if my purse was ever left in a hot car I could have a mess on my hands. Anyway Joe absconded with the whole bag and had it up in the bonus room where, thankfully, we had Jenni go to get some.

The other broken heart (with tears) was when Joshie found out that Ethan was going to Conference with Jennifer and he couldn't go because they didn't have enough tickets. That was resolved by Janice giving up her ticket so he could go in her place. I don't think Joshie really knows what he's in for even though everyone tried to tell him it was like a really long Sacrament meeting and he'd have to be quiet the whole time. At least he felt better.

Thanks, Janice, for once again making a sacrifice for someone else's happiness. And thanks again for being the one who stayed longer and cleaned up the mess after everyone. You're an amethyst (my favorite jewel ;) I hope your work wasn't too taxing today and that you get a lot of sleep and rejuvenation tonight. Would you like to come and watch conference with us tomorrow? We'd love to have you.

Well that's all for now,

Cheers!

Mither

Major Mistake

I got to thinking over the last three weeks that the two medications I've been taking for fibromyalgia weren't really working since I've had two bad flare-ups in a little over two months. So, I had a great idea. I decided to go off both of them.

Mistake!!!!

Now I'm really having a bad flare-up and can hardly distract myself long enough to stop clenching against the pain. My hands and feet have been so cold. That was a symptom I had 10 years ago but have not had since then.

I went to my CEA-HOW meeting this morning and haven't yet decided if that was a good idea or not. It did distract me but I may be paying for it even more than I would have if I had stayed home and rested.

I think I'll go back on the medication that I've been on for three or four years and see if that will alleviate the pain of the flare-up and get me back to where I was before my great idea.

Resting can be very boring. You young mothers may be rolling your eyes, but there it is. What can I say? I have been trying to read but can't concentrate. My last recourse is to watch TV. I think my daughters gave me "Pride and Prejudice" last year. I'll watch that. Thanks girls.

Cheers?
Mither

Every month, the 15th is like Christmas

I got to weigh myself yesterday for the 2nd time in my CEA-HOW program. I have lost 32 pounds total in 2 months. I also measured myself for the second time and have a total loss of five inches on my hips over the two months and a 7 inch loss overall this month (1" was off my bust :( don't have that much to lose there hence the frowny face)

I can actually see the loss on my hips after my shower when I look in the mirror. I saw a picture of my face last night from before all this and I was shocked. I looked like a pumpkin! I hadn't noticed the loss in my face before then.

I am still celebrating!!!

Cheers, Cheers, Cheers
Mither

Sponsoring, What A Joy!

I just have to write something about my new sponsee. She was one of the women who came to the OA meeting last Wed. and felt impressed with what I said about the CEA-HOW women who had lost 100 lbs. in the last year. She was so excited after Thursday night's CEA-HOW meeting that she asked me to be her sponsor on the spot. I met with her Friday afternoon and we talked for 2 hours about the program and what she needed to do to start. We had a 25 min. talk yesterday when she made the required call and today we talked for an hour. That was a little bit of a problem because it gave me 30 min. to get ready for church. (good thing I didn't have to wash my hair, blow it dry and curl it or I never would have made it)

My other sponsee and I talk every day for at least 15 or 20 min. She just moved here a month ago from Bear Lake and bought their retirement home in Orem. She is a diabetic and was on heavy doses of medication to control it. She had a severe sugar addiction and was into the sugar every morning and having to take medication early in the day to counteract the sugar she was eating. She was seriously depressed and hated herself for being so weak willed. She said she wanted to kill herself.

Somehow she heard about the Church's Addiction Recovery Program and came to the Monday noon meeting and heard me share about my incredible weight loss and how I knew it was the Lord doing the discipline for me. She reached across the end of the table at the end of the meeting and asked if she could join the group I was with. I was thrilled to tell her about CEA-HOW and when I found out that she was a diabetic I called another CEA-HOW woman, who had diabetes who happened to be there, over and got the two of them together. I didn't even stay to talk to her after that but she came to the next CEA-HOW meeting and was ready to start right then. I talked to her after the meeting and recommended strongly that she get a sponsor as soon as possible and she asked me to be her sponsor on the spot. I was excited to get my first sponsee just two days after I had become available. We have formed a close friendship in the three week since then. The really neat thing is that since she has been eating such a healthy diet she has been able to go off her medication completely! This program is a miracle! What blessing to have found it!

I can't wait to weigh myself in 10 days to see how much more I have lost.

I find that serving as a sponsor has been a joy. It's so fun to see these two women get so excited about the program.

Well, Love and Cheers,
Mither

Pumpkin Pie Disaster, Pancake Heaven

I got to thinking about the total failure of my sugarless pie making experience and realized that when I doubled the recipe I forgot to double the Splenda. I was thinking about it because I had called my sponsee to warn her about how terrible the pie tasted so that she wouldn't try to make it. She was surprised to say the least because she had already made the pie twice and loved it. She read me the recipe again to make sure I made it right and I thought I had. Neither of us could believe it was so bad for me and so good for her. I told her this morning what I suspected about leaving out the extra Splenda and we both felt sure that's what happened.

I'm going to make it again tomorrow for lunch and dinner. I don't dare make it today or I'll want some and that will make it hard for me since it isn't on my food plan today and I'd have to be tempted by the smell all night.

I'm leading the meeting tonight. It's a little different format than the OA meetings that I'm used to leading so I'm a little nervous. Also, I'm almost certain there will be four women that were newcomers to OA yesterday. After yesterday's meeting I told them all about CEA-HOW and the LDS 12 Step meetings and when I told them that there were three women in our CEA-HOW group that had lost 100 lbs in a year they all were very interested. They were so interested that they asked for the address of the meeting place and made it a point to drive by it on their way home. We should have an interesting "meeting after the meeting" tonight with them there.

I just thought of a recipe for blueberry and banana pancakes that is out of this world that you might like to try.

This makes two, very thick 4" pancakes. Just right for one person. I don't know how it would work if you double or tripled it but you should make it just for yourself sometime. It is like having dessert for breakfast.

1 egg

3 T oat bran

(yeah you have to buy it special but it comes in a package that would make 20 pancakes at 3 T a pop and a half a pancake would fill a little child) (Actually the package looks small compared to other hot cereal packages. It's about 6" high and3 1/2" wide and can be found in the baking section across the asile from the spices at Smith's)

1/2 banana

(I like more banana so I put in 2/3 banana - it could probably be made with a whole banana but I can't have that much on my diet unless I give up the blueberries.)

1/4 c blueberries

1/4 c cottage cheese

2 T syrup (sugarless of course - this is a diet pancake after all)

1 tsp butter

Mix together oat bran, egg and banana. Mash banana to make a thick batter. (I add 2 T water because I like it more like a batter than cookie dough) Fold in blueberries. Spread griddle with butter (you could use butter flavored Pam as well. I just like the real thing.) Cook on a hot griddle until the edges get a little crusty. Turn and cook a little longer until the center gets done. Top with cottage cheese and syrup.

This is Pancake Heaven. ENJOY!

Well, Onward and Upward Girls,

Mither

P.S. If my crustless "pumpkin pie" turns out I'll give the recipe here. It's actually more like a custard but you bake it in pie plates and serve it like pie, hence the name.

Families - Stacey and Emilee may not want to read this :)

Jan, Jen, Emilee, Daniel and kids came over last night and we had a fascinating discussion about history and nuclear bombs. You never can tell what will come up in our family. Jen never did get her taxes done.

Emilee is feeling better finally with her pregnancy. So is Stacey. I'm glad they are through the hard part of having a new baby. Now they just have to go through the summer being pregnant, feeling as big as a house at the end and then the happy nights of two a.m. feedings and days of bleary eyed struggles to manage with the new baby in the house on top of all the other kids. Who said having babies wasn't fun?

I never gave all that a second thought. I just lived in happy ignorance of the difficulty of it all and accepted it as part of the course of being a mother. Maybe they shouldn't read this blog....

As long as they don't think about it maybe it'll be easier for them. Then again, maybe they already know =)

It is worth it in the end. I am SO happy I have a large family. And I am especially blessed, incredibly blessed to have them all settled here in Utah Valley. I have friends who have children spread around the whole U.S. so they only get to see each other once or twice a year, if that. Doris and La Dawn come to mind, and there are those with only a few children that have all moved away. How sad they must be about that -- no children or grandchildren around. I can only imagine.

I made a recipe for pumpkin pie made with Splends that tasted horrible, today. There was not enough Splenda and way too much cloves. I was so looking forward to something sweet I could eat for lunch and dinner that was a vegetable and so on my new eating plan. (specifically not called a diet. A diet is something you go on and be really, really good about until you lose all the weight and then you can eat like a "normal" person again, which, in most cases I've ever known about, means you gain it all back again and then some.) Could be just semantics but OA didn't think so. I haven't heard the term used either way in CEA-HOW yet, but then the only literature we use are the AA books and two small booklets written for us specifically by people who are in the program. I'm still committed to the program, though. How could I not be when the Lord has given me the miracle of the discipline it takes to do such a rigorus program.

Cheers,

Mither

Disappointment

I had planned to go to the CEA-HOW conference last Thursday but had such a bad flareup of fibro. that I didn't dare go for fear of being sick while I was there. I was disappointed but it probably was for the best. I think trying to keep up with everyone in our group might have been too tiring and I would have been likely to have had a flareup while I was there. There were about 13 or 14 women from our meeting going. It would have been so much fun. As it turned out, after resting on my bed most of Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I had no pain Friday night at all. I could have gone with the group leaving on Friday if I had known the flareup was going to be over by then

This illness is so frustrating. I shouldn't complain, though. Even though I have really bad flareups, now, at least I'm not sick for 5 months afterwards like I was 5 or 6 years ago. Also, I've been able to serve both my missions without too much trouble.

As Ever,
Mither

Celebrate GOOD Times!!!

My first thirty days in CEA-HOW were up on Sunday and I got to weigh myself. (We only weigh ourselves once a month) When I looked at the scales, I couldn't believe it so I got off and then tried again. It was the same. I've lost 24.2 lbs!!!!! I still can't believe it. I was hoping I might have lost 15 lbs. but this blows my mind. It sure does work.

Heavenly Father is doing the discipline part for me. I knew I could never do this eating plan without a great deal of discipline and I have absolutely none of that. But here I am, thirty two days and still going strong thanks to His grace and power. As they say in the 12 Step program, "He is doing for us what we could never do for ourselves." They've got that right on.

CHEERS!

Who would've thought....?

Well I finally got the painting done for Gayla (Jan's friend). It's been more than two years since I committed to do it. My lack of discipline is horrendous! (Just goes to show that I could never have done the CEA-HOW program unless Heavenly Father did the disciple part for me - what other part is there?) So, when I showed it to Janice she said there were some parts she didn't like and I said that I had lost the picture so I had to guess on the last part of it. But as we were talking the picture fell out of the back of the canvas. I could see how I could change it to make it look better so I'm not really done yet. I have made a commitment to a lady I know in CEA-HOW to have it done in a week. Don't ask me why that would work except that I don't want her to think badly of me. (I don't know why a commitment to her would work and not one to Janice - actually, I don't think I ever made one to Janice, maybe that's why.)

I am so thrilled with the discipline I'm experiencing. My high hopes, because of Heavenly Father, are higher than ever, now. I don't expect them to crash and burn, either, as they have done in the past. It's funny, I think I've prayed for help every time I've tried a diet or self-improvement program but didn't get it that He wanted to carry the whole load for me. How kind and thoughtful of Him. I think He wanted me to humble myself and admit that there are just some things I can't do at all.

I'm going to ask for the discipline to do my housework and laundry, now, as well. Since discipline has been such a HUGE part of my faults and sins, maybe this is the answer to all of them.

I've heard it said that God can make more of us than we can make of ourselves. This is such and epiphany. Who would've thought....?

Ever,

Mither

62 Years Old and Counting,

Well, according to my last wishes (which is to die at 72) I have 10 years left. Hummmm, that makes me rethink my 100 goals list. If I did die at 72 there would be several goals that I would change. I'll have to think about that some more.

My new 12 Step program is going well. It's been 22 days now. We have so much fun at the meetings. We have two men who came last night. There were about 14 or 15 women. The "meeting after the meeting" is so different from the formal meeting but both are great. I just love the 12 Step programs.

One woman I talked to on the phone said she had lost more between her ears than on her body and she's lost more than 100 lbs. She said her whole way of thinking has changed in the years she's been in the program. She said that her emotional healing was so much more important than her physical health that she usually didn't tell people how much she lost. I'm glad she did because I have over 100 lbs to lose and that is encourageing to know that she could lose so much.

I told my brother Joe about it yesterday and found out that he noticed that I only ate steak and broccoli. at our last family party. I guess he didn't notice the two cups of salad I also ate. I told him to watch me over the next few months and we would see how successful I am and then maybe he would consider it for himself.

Heavenly Father is making this so easy for me. I do have to do the footwork but that isn't the hard part. The hard part is the discipline. He's doing that for me because I could never do it for myself.

Happy days all.

Love, Mither

16 Days and Counting

Well, it's been 16 days since I joined CEA-HOW (Compulsive Eaters Anonymous - Honest, Open-minded and Willing) and I'm still doing it! This is a miracle. There is no way I could have had the discipline and control this program demands without God doing it for me.

It's actually been easy though it took a lot of time to get organized and going the first few days (actually the first 16 days :) I do think I'm getting it down now, though. I find making the meals time consuming especially for someone who often would just grab a peanut butter sandwich when I was on the run. And eating 5 cups of vegetables a day just wasn't something I would ever have even considered until now. I've done the "no sugar" thing for months at a time but no flour, either? Forget it!

I also have to make three "outreach" calls a day (calls to cheer on someone else in the program or to receive encouragement yourself) besides calling my sponsor and writing the answer to one question a day about the 12 Steps.

So why would I do this to myself? Just look what I've done to myself by gaining so much weight over the years. And when I go to their meetings and see 3 women who have lost over 100 lbs and everyone else who has lost from 30 to 86 lbs each, well it convinces me that this is the answer I've needed. And I only have to do it one day at a time.

Like I said, I never could have lasted more than 3 or 4 days on a diet like this before now. I had to absolutely trust Heavenly Father that he would give me the discipline I needed because I was convinced by years of failure at any other diet or self-improvement program I've ever tried that this, too, would be just another one of my high hopes that crashed.

One of the women in the meeting own Coldstone. She's the one that has lost 86 lbs. I asked her how she does it when she works there every day. She said remembering the 23 years of being fat and miserable makes it easy. She is super busy with work and 4 teenage kids and yet she works this in. There are simpler meals she fixes and she eats out a lot but still she is amazing.

OUCH!

Tuesday morning I was taking Chloe to the Vet when, as I went from the house to the garage, I fell from the step down to the landing and then the whole way down the rest of the steps and ended up on the floor of the garage. I sprained my foot and have various large bruises all over my body. I was in pain all over my body yesterday as well, and am somewhat better now but I still have trouble walking. I am curtailing my activities for the rest of the week while I heal.

This is the second time I've fallen down those steps. Last time I sprained both my ankles, so at least this time I wasn't as badly hurt. But my body doesn't seem to know that. It still hurts as bad as it did then. I seem to fall more than the average person. I guess I am just clumsy. +)

Oh well, wish me well. I am starting a new 12 step program tomorrow to help me lose weight. I haven't been successful in the long run in OA and wanted to step up my program. I guess the Lord knew I needed something else and brought this into my life.

Happy day, everyone! :)

Losing Grey Matter at an Alarming Rate!

I couldn't, for the life of me, remember what I did on New Years Eve. I had to call Michelle. I thought maybe we'd spent it with her and Steve.... We did. We played Yatzee, watched NCIS and did puzzles. Pizza and Sprite for dinner. Noisy horns, two minutes late. Now I remember! We did have fun!

Saturday Adam and Stacey moved in and Janice, Joshie, Brianna, Braydon, Camden and I took the tree down. Turns out Jan and I mis-communicated about when to do it. She had suggested that we do it tonight. It was very likely my grey matter problem that caused us to take it down with so many helpers. Fun times!

Janice about knocked herself out trying to take ornaments off the tree and tend four kids. Only my snow globe got broken. No big deal, it was going to DI after this year, anyway, as it was losing water. (How does water get out of a snow globe, anyway? There is no opening for it to come out of.)

How do I thank Janice for once again putting the needs of someone else before her own? You are priceless, Honey! I pray for the Lord's choicest blessings to be upon you. And yes, thank you for being you.

I went to my 12 Step meeting today. I really choked up when it came my turn to share. I spoke about one of the addicts in my life and their bad choices. Then I talked of my own addiction and the struggle it is when I'm not abstinant. I got a handbook from Family Support and have spent the afternoon reading it. I've gotten to read about how co-dependant I am all over again *sigh*

It's good to be reminded that I am only responsible for myself and that God is in charge.