Disappointment

I had planned to go to the CEA-HOW conference last Thursday but had such a bad flareup of fibro. that I didn't dare go for fear of being sick while I was there. I was disappointed but it probably was for the best. I think trying to keep up with everyone in our group might have been too tiring and I would have been likely to have had a flareup while I was there. There were about 13 or 14 women from our meeting going. It would have been so much fun. As it turned out, after resting on my bed most of Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I had no pain Friday night at all. I could have gone with the group leaving on Friday if I had known the flareup was going to be over by then

This illness is so frustrating. I shouldn't complain, though. Even though I have really bad flareups, now, at least I'm not sick for 5 months afterwards like I was 5 or 6 years ago. Also, I've been able to serve both my missions without too much trouble.

As Ever,
Mither

Celebrate GOOD Times!!!

My first thirty days in CEA-HOW were up on Sunday and I got to weigh myself. (We only weigh ourselves once a month) When I looked at the scales, I couldn't believe it so I got off and then tried again. It was the same. I've lost 24.2 lbs!!!!! I still can't believe it. I was hoping I might have lost 15 lbs. but this blows my mind. It sure does work.

Heavenly Father is doing the discipline part for me. I knew I could never do this eating plan without a great deal of discipline and I have absolutely none of that. But here I am, thirty two days and still going strong thanks to His grace and power. As they say in the 12 Step program, "He is doing for us what we could never do for ourselves." They've got that right on.

CHEERS!

Who would've thought....?

Well I finally got the painting done for Gayla (Jan's friend). It's been more than two years since I committed to do it. My lack of discipline is horrendous! (Just goes to show that I could never have done the CEA-HOW program unless Heavenly Father did the disciple part for me - what other part is there?) So, when I showed it to Janice she said there were some parts she didn't like and I said that I had lost the picture so I had to guess on the last part of it. But as we were talking the picture fell out of the back of the canvas. I could see how I could change it to make it look better so I'm not really done yet. I have made a commitment to a lady I know in CEA-HOW to have it done in a week. Don't ask me why that would work except that I don't want her to think badly of me. (I don't know why a commitment to her would work and not one to Janice - actually, I don't think I ever made one to Janice, maybe that's why.)

I am so thrilled with the discipline I'm experiencing. My high hopes, because of Heavenly Father, are higher than ever, now. I don't expect them to crash and burn, either, as they have done in the past. It's funny, I think I've prayed for help every time I've tried a diet or self-improvement program but didn't get it that He wanted to carry the whole load for me. How kind and thoughtful of Him. I think He wanted me to humble myself and admit that there are just some things I can't do at all.

I'm going to ask for the discipline to do my housework and laundry, now, as well. Since discipline has been such a HUGE part of my faults and sins, maybe this is the answer to all of them.

I've heard it said that God can make more of us than we can make of ourselves. This is such and epiphany. Who would've thought....?

Ever,

Mither

62 Years Old and Counting,

Well, according to my last wishes (which is to die at 72) I have 10 years left. Hummmm, that makes me rethink my 100 goals list. If I did die at 72 there would be several goals that I would change. I'll have to think about that some more.

My new 12 Step program is going well. It's been 22 days now. We have so much fun at the meetings. We have two men who came last night. There were about 14 or 15 women. The "meeting after the meeting" is so different from the formal meeting but both are great. I just love the 12 Step programs.

One woman I talked to on the phone said she had lost more between her ears than on her body and she's lost more than 100 lbs. She said her whole way of thinking has changed in the years she's been in the program. She said that her emotional healing was so much more important than her physical health that she usually didn't tell people how much she lost. I'm glad she did because I have over 100 lbs to lose and that is encourageing to know that she could lose so much.

I told my brother Joe about it yesterday and found out that he noticed that I only ate steak and broccoli. at our last family party. I guess he didn't notice the two cups of salad I also ate. I told him to watch me over the next few months and we would see how successful I am and then maybe he would consider it for himself.

Heavenly Father is making this so easy for me. I do have to do the footwork but that isn't the hard part. The hard part is the discipline. He's doing that for me because I could never do it for myself.

Happy days all.

Love, Mither

16 Days and Counting

Well, it's been 16 days since I joined CEA-HOW (Compulsive Eaters Anonymous - Honest, Open-minded and Willing) and I'm still doing it! This is a miracle. There is no way I could have had the discipline and control this program demands without God doing it for me.

It's actually been easy though it took a lot of time to get organized and going the first few days (actually the first 16 days :) I do think I'm getting it down now, though. I find making the meals time consuming especially for someone who often would just grab a peanut butter sandwich when I was on the run. And eating 5 cups of vegetables a day just wasn't something I would ever have even considered until now. I've done the "no sugar" thing for months at a time but no flour, either? Forget it!

I also have to make three "outreach" calls a day (calls to cheer on someone else in the program or to receive encouragement yourself) besides calling my sponsor and writing the answer to one question a day about the 12 Steps.

So why would I do this to myself? Just look what I've done to myself by gaining so much weight over the years. And when I go to their meetings and see 3 women who have lost over 100 lbs and everyone else who has lost from 30 to 86 lbs each, well it convinces me that this is the answer I've needed. And I only have to do it one day at a time.

Like I said, I never could have lasted more than 3 or 4 days on a diet like this before now. I had to absolutely trust Heavenly Father that he would give me the discipline I needed because I was convinced by years of failure at any other diet or self-improvement program I've ever tried that this, too, would be just another one of my high hopes that crashed.

One of the women in the meeting own Coldstone. She's the one that has lost 86 lbs. I asked her how she does it when she works there every day. She said remembering the 23 years of being fat and miserable makes it easy. She is super busy with work and 4 teenage kids and yet she works this in. There are simpler meals she fixes and she eats out a lot but still she is amazing.

OUCH!

Tuesday morning I was taking Chloe to the Vet when, as I went from the house to the garage, I fell from the step down to the landing and then the whole way down the rest of the steps and ended up on the floor of the garage. I sprained my foot and have various large bruises all over my body. I was in pain all over my body yesterday as well, and am somewhat better now but I still have trouble walking. I am curtailing my activities for the rest of the week while I heal.

This is the second time I've fallen down those steps. Last time I sprained both my ankles, so at least this time I wasn't as badly hurt. But my body doesn't seem to know that. It still hurts as bad as it did then. I seem to fall more than the average person. I guess I am just clumsy. +)

Oh well, wish me well. I am starting a new 12 step program tomorrow to help me lose weight. I haven't been successful in the long run in OA and wanted to step up my program. I guess the Lord knew I needed something else and brought this into my life.

Happy day, everyone! :)

Losing Grey Matter at an Alarming Rate!

I couldn't, for the life of me, remember what I did on New Years Eve. I had to call Michelle. I thought maybe we'd spent it with her and Steve.... We did. We played Yatzee, watched NCIS and did puzzles. Pizza and Sprite for dinner. Noisy horns, two minutes late. Now I remember! We did have fun!

Saturday Adam and Stacey moved in and Janice, Joshie, Brianna, Braydon, Camden and I took the tree down. Turns out Jan and I mis-communicated about when to do it. She had suggested that we do it tonight. It was very likely my grey matter problem that caused us to take it down with so many helpers. Fun times!

Janice about knocked herself out trying to take ornaments off the tree and tend four kids. Only my snow globe got broken. No big deal, it was going to DI after this year, anyway, as it was losing water. (How does water get out of a snow globe, anyway? There is no opening for it to come out of.)

How do I thank Janice for once again putting the needs of someone else before her own? You are priceless, Honey! I pray for the Lord's choicest blessings to be upon you. And yes, thank you for being you.

I went to my 12 Step meeting today. I really choked up when it came my turn to share. I spoke about one of the addicts in my life and their bad choices. Then I talked of my own addiction and the struggle it is when I'm not abstinant. I got a handbook from Family Support and have spent the afternoon reading it. I've gotten to read about how co-dependant I am all over again *sigh*

It's good to be reminded that I am only responsible for myself and that God is in charge.