It's one week before Christmas and I am all ready for it except for doing my Christmas cards. We didn't spend as much this year as we have in years past. That may be a good thing, I just hope the family - the Grandchildren especially - aren't disappointed. We bought them children's versions of the scriptures. Actually they are just stories from the scriptures but I wanted to get them something that would remind them of the gifts we have been given from the Lord and that Christmas is really about Christ and not Santa Clause. They are only getting one gift from us.



OH! I just remembered! I have a couple of little gifts for them that I bought last summer and they aren't wrapped! Looks like I'm going to have to spend a couple of hours wrapping this next week after all.



Joe asked me if he should spoil my Christmas for me. I immediately said NO. Then he asked if he should he tell me how his Christmas isn't going to be a surprise for him. Having bought two small gifts for him this last week I was suspicious of him saying that and asked him what he knew. He admitted that he saw what I gotten him on the bank records he looks at every day. I bought him a Dowdle puzzle with my debit card not realizing it would show up there. I didn't think of that when I bought it. He also knew I got something from FYE (For Your Entertainment) He doesn't know what, yet, but it isn't going to be much of a surprise.



Foiled again! One of these years he is going to be surprised and not know what he is getting.

Maybe I should get him a lump of coal. I don't even know where I would get one for him, but I could try.... :)



I forgot to write about our Thanksgiving Day last month. It was as special as ever. I used my china, goblets, had candles on the tables with nice tablecloths and used my pretty milkglass serving dishes. It is the only time I go all out like that (somewhat to the girl's dismay - they don't like cleaning up all that finery- but hey! it's only once a year. It will be memorable to them in future years, I hope in a good way.) I borrowed Daniel's chaffing pan to keep the potatoes warm while we sliced the turkey. I also had two tables and several folding chairs from his rental center. It made it so we could seat everyone. We put the tables up in the living room which made it crowded but fun.



I "brined" the turkey this year. I have never heard of doing that before. I happened to see a box of brining solution at the store the week before Thanksgiving and looked it up on the net. I decided to do it myself and found several recipes that sounded good. The one I chose basically had salt and spices and turned out to be delicious. I've never had such juicy turkey. I am going to do that from now on.



Janice and Emilee had the idea of putting up the Christmas tree that night instead of trying to do my tree (I don't have the stamina to do it all myself, anymore, so they have taken on the job and helped me out) and theirs the next day as we've done in the past.



Several of the grandchildren "helped" us. I have gone to all plastic bulbs for the very reason of letting the kids touch them without worrying about it. I do have about 5 or 6 glass bulbs that I hang up high so it isn't a problem. I also have the handmade ornaments June (Joe's mother) made for us about 25 years ago but I was very careful about letting them hang those. I also have some glass and Chrystal "ice cycles" that the kids hung but they got the idea about how special they were and were very, very careful with them.



It was cute and fun to see them so excited to be helping. It only took us about two hours and the tree was done and all the storage boxes packed away until January.



I have been missing Chloe since I gave her away this last week. I decided it was too much of a problem to have Steve and Janelle visit and have to leave early with bloodshot eyes and serious congestion because they were allergic to her. It seemed to get worse every time they came. The last time they came they each had rubbed their eyes and had to leave early because it was so bad.



Jennifer and Michelle each helped me put an add on line (we did two different adds) and I ended up giving her to a woman who considered her animals her "children." She was only able to have one child who is now 14 years old and she was very loving to Chloe the minute she saw her. I felt considerable relief at finding someone so good to give her to.



We had good news last week! Michelle gave birth to our newest grandchild, Mikayla Mickelle.

She only weighed a little over 5 lbs. so she is very small but darling. Michelle is happy that she has hair (more than Jenni had at 18 months old). She had to stay in the NICU for several days because she inhaled some merconium when she was born. We were a little worried about her for a few days but she ended up getting over the infection she had (from Michelle's being a little sick the week before) and her breathing problems and was able to come home this week.

Well, as usual, this post is long. I guess I should keep a journal apart from my blog but since I don't know how to set it up, it'll have to wait until someone can help me.

That's all for now,

Loves, Mither

I didn't realize it had been so long between posts.... sorry.

I got to weigh myself yesterday and I have lost a total of 102 lbs, if you count the 11 pounds I lost in OA. I also broke the 200 lb. mark I weigh 196 lbs. I still want to lose about 40-45 lbs.I am so happy that the Lord is doing the discipline for me and I am glad that I finally was ready to go to any length to lose weight. The CEA-HOW program is a marvelous diet. I am full all the time and it such a healthy way to eat.

Enough of diets, I'm on to other things.

We have celebrated Joshua, Kate, Ethan and Logan's birthdays by taking them, alone, to lunch at IHOP right around the time of their baptism. We also celebrated Brendon's Baptism by taking him out to eat, but he didn't want to go alone with us so we went with their whole family. We gave each of the kids a copy of the book How Does The Holy Ghost Make Me Feel? It is an excellent way to explain the how we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and how to use it in our lives. It just occurred to me that we never did take Holly out. We'll have to make it a point to do that.

We are in the process of getting our food storage all gathered in. I went to the Church's web page and entered "food storage calculator" and am in the process of using it to complete the necessary items to live through the hard times ahead.

(continued December 5, 2010)

I didn't realize it had been so long since I wrote this post. I don't remember whose scales I used last time I wrote but as of November 15th I have lost 100 lbs. (111 if you count the OA program I was on for 12 years.) Maybe it was at the doctor that I only weighed 192 lbs. I know that must sound terrible to weigh that much to some but when you consider that I started at 303 lbs. it's great! At least I think so.

I am serving my last week at the LDS Employment Resource center in American Fork starting tomorrow. I have put my papers in to serve as a hostess at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building next. I just talked to the Stake President Thursday night about it and he asked when I would be available to start. I told him that when I filled out the papers I put down December 10th but found out that it was possible that I would have to have surgery on the 15th. So he put off sending in the papers until I knew for sure. I found out Friday at the doctors that I definitely would be having the surgery (for both bowel and bladder incontinence - results of having so many babies) on the 15th so he is making that change on my papers and putting my available date as February 1st.

I just had a blessing tonight for a problem I am having with my meds. Some days when I wake up I feel as if the meds haven't worn off. I am sleepy and have a hard time writing up my menu to give to my sponsor. Sometimes I even have a hard time speaking to her or to my sponsees on my early morning calls. I have had to call my mission leaders to tell them I couldn't drive several times and twice had to turn around and drive home when I found I could hardly stay awake to drive myself to work (my mission.)

I went to Dr. Brown about this and he suggested I try cutting down on the medication I take for fibromyalgia, which I did, but to no avail. I have been wondering if it's some weird fluke of the Ambien I'm taking. That would seem strange since I've been on it for 12 years or so and have never had this happen before. And to further complicate the matter, it doesn't happen every day. It's happened 8 or 10 times now, though, and is becoming a real problem. Twice I've had to come home from Church because I couldn't stay awake in Sacrament meeting. It happened again, for the third Sunday, today so Joe suggested I get a blessing.

He gave me a wonderful blessing that included counsel about finding peace and comfort for my fears about the future as well as being assured that we would be able to find out what was causing the problem with my meds.

Blessings are always a wonderful thing. Joe also gave Daniel and Emilee blessings today. He was supposed to bless Daniel that his arm would get better but ended up giving him a blessing having to do with his business and personal life. After the blessing Emilee said "well, I guess Daniel didn't need his arm blessed after all." Joe had completely forgotten that that was what the blessing was for. I suggested that they just give him another blessing. David and his little girls were there. We had originally asked him to come to assist in giving my blessing but when Daniel called and asked for a blessing we called David to tell him he didn't need to come and found out that he was just pulling up to the house right then. So he came in to visit and to assist in the blessings after all. David is the one who blessed Daniel the second time.

A side note here is that Annika, Mieka, Emma and Matthew were playing in the "toy room" and found they could "talk" to Joshie through the heater vent. They thought that was extra fun. They ended up going down there to play for a little while and then they all came up stairs for a little while. It's amazing how much fun those little kids have when they all get together.... and such energy, too! I wears me out just to watch them.

I got my hair cut short yesterday. It took me more than a year to grow it out so it was something I thought long about. I thought it looked cute yesterday but today I'm not so sure I like it. Too late now, though. I guess I could try growing it out again but I'd have to go through that awful stage when it isn't long enough to do anything with and too long to look cute otherwise. Oh well....

Anyway, that's all for now.

Mither

p. s. I forgot to write about Thanksgiving Day! I'll write about it in my next post.

Very Short Post

So, I just had to write that I lost 10 more pounds this month. It is very likely that I will have lost 100 lbs by the end of the year! I can't believe this miracle is happening to me! Yay for me!

{{{hugs}}}

Mither

Short or Long?

I am tired this morning so this will be short.

I just want to tell everyone who has posted lately that I have tried to comment on all your blogs but my computer is not letting my comments go through. It keeps saying that there are "visual images" that I have to write but doesn't show the letters it wants me to reproduce. It's frustrating but at least I have gained some confidence on the computer compared to what it was like when I first started blogging.

I finally had a "slip" in my CEA-HOW program which means I didn't stay abstinent one day. The good news is that I was able to get right back on the program and didn't go on a binge or give up completely. The fact that I call my sponsor every day and go over my food with her helped me keep it in perspective.

I have been feeling very squirrely for the last week and a half as I was going over my character defects one at a time and writing about them. I noticed after doing this for 5 or 6 days that I was beginning to have very negative thoughts about myself, something I haven't struggled with for several years now. I finally saw the connection between doing my forth step (inventory of my character defects) and the negative thoughts. I talked it over with Joe and my sponsor (Carletta is her name) and decided it wasn't good for me to go about the inventory the way I was doing it, so I quit. I'm still having the negative thoughts. My sponsor said today that it was a form of pride - right - low end pride. I forgot about that. It has helped to be reminded. Anyway that's what lead to the slip.

We have gotten in to a discussion about how beating up on myself is a counterproductive way of dealing with guilt. There is a whole lot more to this discussion that I am writing about in my 12 Step journal so I won't repeat it all here. Suffice it to say that I still have a lot to learn about how guilt relates to humility and accepting myself as human/mortal and loving myself anyway.

This is shorter than my previous posts but is still longer than I had planned to write. More later.

As Ever,

Mither

Late Night, Again

It's 2:15 a.m. and I haven't been able to fall asleep yet tonight. Joe just came up (in the bonus room) and told me he forgot to put an Ambien in my pills for tonight. I'd say "Aarrgg"but it is so unlady-like so I am just biting my knuckles instead. My program on KSRR is this morning at 9:00 so I can't take a pill now or I won't be able to drive when it's time to go to the station.

I prayed that I would be calm and collected for the program. Under the circumstances I'll be lucky to be able to keep from falling asleep so calm won't even be an issue. It took me about three hours to prepare for this half hour show. I hope it goes well.

I mentioned going shopping for new clothes in my last entry. I did and found two beautiful blouses and two really nice long winter coats, one dressy and one casual. It's a good thing because when I tried on the short coat I got from Costco in front of a mirror it looked terrible. It's way too small. I may be able to wear it next winter but not this one.

I guess I can say, now, that Emilee's baby's name is Isobella. I think her middle name is Jennifer but I'm not sure about that. She has a whole head full of black hair and weighed in at right around 8 lbs. Savanna is only now reaching 8 lbs. and she is two months old. They are both "as cute as a bug's ear" as my Dad used to say. It'll be fun to have three little toddlers playing together once all three babies are around a year old. We found out that Michelle's baby is definitely and girl. She is due in December.

We celebrated Dannan and Mieka's birthdays today and everyone was there except Michael and Janelle who is in the hospital having a cancerous tumor removed from her colon. I wish it had occurred to me that I could have taken their girls one of the days Janelle was laid up. I am going to have to get used to thinking of ways I can serve my family now that the fibromyalgia is in remission.

Well, I think I'll go back to bed and see if I can get a couple of hours of sleep before I have to get up.

Cheers,

Mither

Good News Twice Over

I got to see and hold Emilee and Dan's new baby moments after she was born. I was somewhat frustrated because, through a series of misunderstandings on my part I had to finish eating my dinner in Emilee's room while everyone else got to hold and take pictures of the baby. Not only was I frustrated, I was embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Hmmm. It just occurred to me that I could have finished in the cafeteria and then gone up to the room. Didn't even cross my mind at the time. Now I feel foolish on top of feeling frustrated, embarrassed and uncomfortable. Oh well, The baby is darling but I don't want to steal any of Emilee's thunder by describing her or giving her name.

Good news.... Not as good as Emilee's but right up there with Christmas presents. You might have guessed from my reference to Christmas that I got to weigh again yesterday. Seven more lbs lost for a total of 77 lbs. Good news, again. I need to go to DI to buy new (used) clothes for work and more pants for everyday wear. This is getting more and more fun as I go. It's still hard to find pants that fit right. Always too big in the waist if they fit my hips. But the hips are smaller by 11 inches.

Can't help being THRILLED that Heavenly Father is doing the really hard part - the discipline. I needed the structure and the discipline this program calls for. The structure is the diet itself, and again, the discipline by Heavenly Father. There is no way I would have been successful on my own. I would have lasted 3 or 4 days and then lost enthusiasm and given up as I have done so many times before. (to say nothing of the fact that I wouldn't have been able to gag down all the vegetables that I really enjoy now - have enjoyed from day one.

Hey that's another thing that Heavenly Father is doing for me. Will miracles never cease, in my life? I think not! There is another one starting in my life right now. I'll let you guess. It may become obvious over the next few months. I should give a prize for the first one that guesses. Hmmm. I'll ponder on that one.


Melissa was aghast when she asked if this was the diet for the rest of my life and I intimated it was. But the truth is, it's only for today. I can do for 16 hours what would appall me if I thought I had to do it for the rest of my life. And that's the truth.

The best part about it all is that I've learned that God will do for me what I could never do for myself. All I had to do was ask. The asking was easy. So is all the rest.

Well it's 10 to 1:00 and my alarm is set for 5:00. Hope I can finally sleep.

Loves,

Mither

3:25 a.m. - Can't Sleep, Again

I have spent several hours in the dark, trying to go to sleep to no avail. At least, by getting up I can be productive by writing something about the past day.

I have been having symptoms of some kind of medical problem and today (yesterday, actually) I ended up in the emergency room at the hospital to get it checked out. I have been having mornings when I get up at 5:00 only to be so extremely tired that I can barely function. I can hardly keep my eyes open, I can't focus my thoughts, I feel disoriented. I can't carry on a normal conversation. My tongue feel as if it is an inch thick and my speech is slurred. I felt as if I had been given some sort of strong sleeping pill and can't snap out of it.

This happened occasionally at first and then with increasing frequency until this last weekend when it occurred Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Finally I called Dr Brown and when it told them the symptoms, they told me to go to the emergency room. I was in no shape to drive so I asked Stacey if she could drive me there and Joe would come and pick me up after they were through with me.

At the hospital they took me right back and ran several tests of my blood, etc. They even did a "Cat scan" but found nothing conclusive. The Doctor came in my room and talked to me about my medicines and suggested that there were two that could give me the symptoms I described. The main one he seem to think was the problem was Ambien, a strong sleeping pill that I have been taking for 12 years.

He suggested I try taking only half the dosage to see if the symptoms continued. When I talked to Janice and Emilee later in the day they said that maybe since I've lost so much weight the dosage is too high. So we cut down to 5 mg tonight and that may be why I can't get to sleep. I am going to try this for 4 days to see what happens. I hope I don't have a major flare up of fibromyalgia as a result as has happened the last two times I tried to go off.

So.... what else is new?

Well, I get to weigh myself on Wednesday. I am really looking forward to that. It's exciting to see how much I've lost each month.

Also, I've arranged to go on the radio on KSRR 1400 AM on the 27th of the month to talk about CEA-HOW and get the message out that we have a program, based on the 12 steps of
Alcoholics Anonymous that is wildly successful in losing weight, doesn't cost any money, and is the healthiest diet you could imagine. Also there is a marvelously strong support system to encourage you on in your efforts to lose weight or to gain it if you happen to be anorexic. It's for people who have any type of eating disorder

I am a little nervous about doing it for fear the symptoms of whatever is going on in my health might happen on the day I am supposed to go on the air. I have decided to ask one of the other people in our group to be ready to stand in for me if needed.

I'd really like to be the one to do it though because there are only three members of our group who have several years doing various 12 step programs and would be able to talk of how it works. I already asked one of them to do it but she is going to be out of town and I haven't yet reached the other one.

Anyway, I have been praying about this and am sure it will work out the best way. It cost me $125.00 and I am hopping to be reimbursed by the group donations, but if not it will still be worth it to me. I am willing to go to any length to do the 12th step which is sharing the message of recovery from compulsive eating to all who may want to try it.

My mission continues to go well. I am learning some of the things on the computer that would help me in dealing with a candidate but am still far from being able to do it by myself. I don't know if I will be able to do it before my mission ends on December 6th.

I am trying to reestablish the habit of getting up at 5:00 in the morning again but am finding it much harder than when I first started a year ago in August. I think once we get my sleep and feeling drugged problems worked out that it might be a little easier. We'll have to see.

Emilee is having her baby induced on Thursday. I am so happy for her. I am hoping to be of some help to her as she works herself into a routine after the baby is born. I don't think I mentioned that Adam and Stacey's baby girl, Savanna Grace was born last month. I have been able to help her out but only a few times so far. She hardly ever asks. Stacey, if you're reading this, I hope you'll feel better about asking and will do it more often. I may have to say no occasionally but don't let that stop you. I'd love to serve you in whatever way I can. Call on me.

Michelle is also expecting a baby in December. All three are having little girls. That is, Michelle's doctor thinks she is having a girl. They weren't certain but that's what they thought they saw when she had the ultra-sound.

Well that's all for now.

Loves to all,

Mither