So today's My son's birthday. I could go on about what a great guy he is (which he is to say the least) but since everyone knows about all that, I thought I'd write about the day he was born.
I remember on the way to the hospital we were driving by our chapel and I thought to myself that I'd never forget that day. As a result of the seriously heavy medication they gave me at the hospital, I only remember a little of what happened. I was hung over for about three days after his birth from the meds. I do remember them trying to get me to bend at the waist to give me an epidural (who has a waist when they're 9 months along) I could hardly do any bending at all for which they seemed a little put out (dumb doctors) To say I was a little put out with my doctor was putting it mildly because I was so drugged that Jonathan was not breathing when he was born and was a 9 on the apgar scale (10 being dead) They almost lost him. That from one of the nurses who told me after I was conscious a couple of days later. Luckily, we were back in Utah by the time Michael was born. I wouldn't have gone back to that doctor anyway.
Jonathan had colic the first six months of his life. I've wondered if I hadn't nursed him if he would have been better off because after I put him on formula (at six months) he seemed to do better. I remember propping his bottle one time when I was so exhausted I could hardly stand it. I've felt guilty about it ever since every time I think about it. He turned out just fine though.... there doesn't seem to be any lasting effects from it.
He was one of my easiest children to raise and turned in to one of the nicest people I know.
I love you Jonathan.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
It's Been Awhile
So I noticed on someone else's blog that I hadn't written for over a week. Well not much has happened. I've been sick with fibro. again so I've been trying to rest for the last two weeks. It's been very boring, but I have made a dent in my bedroom and closet ( getting rid of old clothes I no longer wear) and cleaning off my dresser, getting the toys taken downstairs in the closet in the family room, and generally picking things up and putting them where they g0. I've done these thing little at a time (literally a few minutes at a time, say three to five minutes and no longer) it's taken me several days to do it but I feel satisfied that at least progress has been made. I'm going to clean out my linen closet today and get my night stand cleaned off. I know that sounds like such a little goal but that is about the limit that I can reasonably get done and not cause another bad breakout of fibro. again.
I did do some shopping at Dahle's twice in the last two weeks and really aggravated my fibro (because It takes me a long time to shop because I have to try on ten or twelve items to find only four or five that fit.) Any way I went overboard and bought summer and winter clothes that will last me for the next five years or so. You know how they tell us to buy food storage.... well I've now got my clothes storage.
I couldn't resist. Dahle's is going out of business and that is honestly the ONLY place I have been able to find that has clothes that look good on me. I got outfits at prices to good to be true, some of them up to 75% off others at least 30% off after being marked down two or three times before that. I don't know what I'm going to do when these clothes wear out.
It has been nice to have some of my children and their spouses come over and visit while I've been so sick. Jan, Jenn, Emilee, and Jonathan have come with their families. Jonathan came to give me a blessing and so did David. I had one blessing just after Mother died by David and Dad and one about a week later by Jonathan and Dad. It turns out that I had clogged sinuses which I had thought was just another manifestation of the fibro. I had a severe headache along with feeling really, REALLY sick. Immediately after receiving the blessing my headache stopped and my sinuses began to drain. I had a runny nose for about fifteen minutes straight.
The blessings really helped me get through Mother's death and the funeral and then the days after all that. I have been mourning my Mother's death and find I really miss her. I can imagine how she felt when my Father died. I am so happy for her but sad for me. I'm so glad I know I'll see her again.
It's interesting that the second blessing healed me of the sinus trouble and headache but not the fibro. It did warn me to be careful to know my limitations and not go beyond them. I guess that was the Lord's way of saying that the fibro. would still affect me and I would still have to be careful of what I did and how long I was up every day.
That's all for now, I guess. I wish I had more interesting things to write about.
Oh well, Happy Day to all,
Lub-lubs, Mither
I did do some shopping at Dahle's twice in the last two weeks and really aggravated my fibro (because It takes me a long time to shop because I have to try on ten or twelve items to find only four or five that fit.) Any way I went overboard and bought summer and winter clothes that will last me for the next five years or so. You know how they tell us to buy food storage.... well I've now got my clothes storage.
I couldn't resist. Dahle's is going out of business and that is honestly the ONLY place I have been able to find that has clothes that look good on me. I got outfits at prices to good to be true, some of them up to 75% off others at least 30% off after being marked down two or three times before that. I don't know what I'm going to do when these clothes wear out.
It has been nice to have some of my children and their spouses come over and visit while I've been so sick. Jan, Jenn, Emilee, and Jonathan have come with their families. Jonathan came to give me a blessing and so did David. I had one blessing just after Mother died by David and Dad and one about a week later by Jonathan and Dad. It turns out that I had clogged sinuses which I had thought was just another manifestation of the fibro. I had a severe headache along with feeling really, REALLY sick. Immediately after receiving the blessing my headache stopped and my sinuses began to drain. I had a runny nose for about fifteen minutes straight.
The blessings really helped me get through Mother's death and the funeral and then the days after all that. I have been mourning my Mother's death and find I really miss her. I can imagine how she felt when my Father died. I am so happy for her but sad for me. I'm so glad I know I'll see her again.
It's interesting that the second blessing healed me of the sinus trouble and headache but not the fibro. It did warn me to be careful to know my limitations and not go beyond them. I guess that was the Lord's way of saying that the fibro. would still affect me and I would still have to be careful of what I did and how long I was up every day.
That's all for now, I guess. I wish I had more interesting things to write about.
Oh well, Happy Day to all,
Lub-lubs, Mither
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Here Goes Again
So I was adding a comment to my last post to Karla and Stacey and it was full of typos. I still don't know how to edit a post, so, sorry folks. That's just me being old :D.
For Janelle, I don't know when the cd of the funeral will be sent to us. As far as my talk goes, I could email you the short version which is a little different. (I was trying to keep it under 5 minutes but didn't like the outcome.) The longer version is the one I gave at the funeral but when I changed it to write the newer, shorter version the longer version was lost. If you really want the longer version, I could make a hard copy of it and send it to you.
I am having a major flareup of the fibro. again. I did have a blessing so I wouldn't get sick for the viewing and the funeral, but it seem that that was all it covered, because the next day I got really sick. I am extremely thankful that I got through the funeral, though. Thank Heaven for blessings!
With the vigil we kept for Mother for 9 days, the plans for the funeral, the viewing and the funeral itself, my house got really neglected and now shows it. I really need help cleaning it up since I can't do much while I'm sick. If anyone could come and help clean, it would really be appreciated. If you can't I would understand. I know everyone has their own life and is busy so don't feel bad if you can't make it. (I would be willing to pay $30.00 for 2 hours work if you come, though, and I'm serious about that)
Jennifer, I really hated missing going with Dad and Emilee to visit you for lunch. If I hadn't been so sick, I would have been there. If I do too much in one day I get sicker and I HAD to go to the doctor that day. It's a good thing I did go to the doctor that day because he found two pre-cancerous growths on my face. They were still at the stage that he could freeze them off so I'm fine now. I just have to watch for any more. He said I should have not let myself get sunburned when I was younger. I should have worn sunscreen and a hat and will do so from now on. A word to the wise, you should do the same if you don't want to get melanoma (skin cancer) when you get older.
I wish I weren't sick so I could have someone to dinner tomorrow, but I hate to say to someone "come to dinner and do all the work." (Karla has done that several times and I really appreciated it) I even have the roast all ready to cook. If any one does want to come under those circumstances, you're welcome, just let me know.
well that's all for now.
Love to all,
Mither
For Janelle, I don't know when the cd of the funeral will be sent to us. As far as my talk goes, I could email you the short version which is a little different. (I was trying to keep it under 5 minutes but didn't like the outcome.) The longer version is the one I gave at the funeral but when I changed it to write the newer, shorter version the longer version was lost. If you really want the longer version, I could make a hard copy of it and send it to you.
I am having a major flareup of the fibro. again. I did have a blessing so I wouldn't get sick for the viewing and the funeral, but it seem that that was all it covered, because the next day I got really sick. I am extremely thankful that I got through the funeral, though. Thank Heaven for blessings!
With the vigil we kept for Mother for 9 days, the plans for the funeral, the viewing and the funeral itself, my house got really neglected and now shows it. I really need help cleaning it up since I can't do much while I'm sick. If anyone could come and help clean, it would really be appreciated. If you can't I would understand. I know everyone has their own life and is busy so don't feel bad if you can't make it. (I would be willing to pay $30.00 for 2 hours work if you come, though, and I'm serious about that)
Jennifer, I really hated missing going with Dad and Emilee to visit you for lunch. If I hadn't been so sick, I would have been there. If I do too much in one day I get sicker and I HAD to go to the doctor that day. It's a good thing I did go to the doctor that day because he found two pre-cancerous growths on my face. They were still at the stage that he could freeze them off so I'm fine now. I just have to watch for any more. He said I should have not let myself get sunburned when I was younger. I should have worn sunscreen and a hat and will do so from now on. A word to the wise, you should do the same if you don't want to get melanoma (skin cancer) when you get older.
I wish I weren't sick so I could have someone to dinner tomorrow, but I hate to say to someone "come to dinner and do all the work." (Karla has done that several times and I really appreciated it) I even have the roast all ready to cook. If any one does want to come under those circumstances, you're welcome, just let me know.
well that's all for now.
Love to all,
Mither
Friday, March 6, 2009
Pretty Little Flowers
My dear DIL, Janelle, and son Michael, sent me the sweetest little bouquet of flowers in a cup with a saucer that were decorated with purple pansies. The cup was just packed FULL of tiny roses, daisies, tulips, and chrysanthemums (sp?) with the teeniest sprigs of heather all in pinks and purples. It was given in memory of my Mother who passed away last Saturday. I was so touched. I'll keep that cup and saucer as a memento of Mother and always remember the wonderful woman that she was.
Thank you very much Janelle and please know of my gratitude for all you do and are.
I have finally come to terms with my feelings and sorrows about my Mother's death. No more tears now, just the precious memory of her life and love. And also the knowledge of her JOY at being released from the cares and sorrows of this life and being reunited with my dear Father and Stephen.
Seeing how she arranged her funeral has made me reconsider mine. I have decided to have ALL my children and their spouses take a part on the program. That will mean many more speakers than I had originally planned, but if ALL my children wanted to speak, if they spoke for only 5 minutes each, it would only be 45 minutes long. And if some of them didn't want to speak they could read the obituary, say the family prayer or dedicate the grave. I would like Daniel and Steve to say the opening and closing prayers. I would like all my children to take some part of the program. I am so proud of each of my children I would like them all to shine. Besides, I am going to want to hear what each of them have to say at my passing. (I hope it will be my good points and not my bad ones, please) I hope someone will say something about the Plan of Salvation and life after death. (The Church has said that funerals are a time to preach the gospel, so keep that in mind when you write your talks, kids)
I would like all the daughters and DILs to sing "Come Unto Him" from the hymn book (and yes, that means YOU Stacey.... you can mouth the words or speak them softly if nothing else.) I want you all to choose an opening hymn, and I do want someone to sing "Oh, Devine Redeemer." ( If not Jarrin Stevens then one or more of the girls.)
All that should only take about an hour and fifteen or twenty minutes at the most and people can sit for that long with out that much of a problem. I can't remember what song I choose for the closing song but off the top of my head I'm thinking "How Firm a Foundation" or "The Spirit of God."
Geez, I sound like a dictator or at least someone who is very bossy. Sorry about that but how else do I say what I want at my funeral? I may get around to writing my obituary like my mother but if not I would like it to say something about how much I loved being a Mother to my children and how they were my pride and joy. Also, I would like it to say something about how good of a husband I had and how grateful I was for his love.
That's all for now.
Love to you all,
Mither
Thank you very much Janelle and please know of my gratitude for all you do and are.
I have finally come to terms with my feelings and sorrows about my Mother's death. No more tears now, just the precious memory of her life and love. And also the knowledge of her JOY at being released from the cares and sorrows of this life and being reunited with my dear Father and Stephen.
Seeing how she arranged her funeral has made me reconsider mine. I have decided to have ALL my children and their spouses take a part on the program. That will mean many more speakers than I had originally planned, but if ALL my children wanted to speak, if they spoke for only 5 minutes each, it would only be 45 minutes long. And if some of them didn't want to speak they could read the obituary, say the family prayer or dedicate the grave. I would like Daniel and Steve to say the opening and closing prayers. I would like all my children to take some part of the program. I am so proud of each of my children I would like them all to shine. Besides, I am going to want to hear what each of them have to say at my passing. (I hope it will be my good points and not my bad ones, please) I hope someone will say something about the Plan of Salvation and life after death. (The Church has said that funerals are a time to preach the gospel, so keep that in mind when you write your talks, kids)
I would like all the daughters and DILs to sing "Come Unto Him" from the hymn book (and yes, that means YOU Stacey.... you can mouth the words or speak them softly if nothing else.) I want you all to choose an opening hymn, and I do want someone to sing "Oh, Devine Redeemer." ( If not Jarrin Stevens then one or more of the girls.)
All that should only take about an hour and fifteen or twenty minutes at the most and people can sit for that long with out that much of a problem. I can't remember what song I choose for the closing song but off the top of my head I'm thinking "How Firm a Foundation" or "The Spirit of God."
Geez, I sound like a dictator or at least someone who is very bossy. Sorry about that but how else do I say what I want at my funeral? I may get around to writing my obituary like my mother but if not I would like it to say something about how much I loved being a Mother to my children and how they were my pride and joy. Also, I would like it to say something about how good of a husband I had and how grateful I was for his love.
That's all for now.
Love to you all,
Mither
Sunday, March 1, 2009
My Sweet Mother finally left this sphere of existence
A week ago, early last Thursday morning, my dear Mother had a spell of convulsions and incoherence and as she was coming out of it she said she felt it was her time to die. She asked my brother, Joe, to give her a blessing which said it was her choice to die or not. She was more than ready to go and decided to go without food or water to hasten her death. She had no fear of death because of her strong faith in the Plan of Salvation which has been taught to her from the time she was a small child.
By about Saturday or Sunday she was somewhat frustrated that she had not died yet and as many of the family were there visiting her, it was suggested that we have a family prayer which she immediately insisted that she say. She said a beautiful prayer about her gratitude for her wonderful family and tearfully, passionately pleaded with the Lord to know His will and what she should do to hasted her death. We all felt impressed that she was just to persevere and that she would die in just a few more days.
Over the next week all but three or four of her 27 grandchildren and their families come to visit her to say their goodbyes. The others lived out of state and couldn't make it. But we had several days of mixed joy and sorrow as we contemplated her death and kept a vigil at her side. She insisted we all go home at night as she didn't want us to miss our sleep to watch over her. She said she would be fine if she died in the night and that we should not worry about that. That was the way she wanted it. So we all went home but came back each day from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. to be with her until she died. I should say that we ended up taking turns for a few hours each day so she wouldn't be alone while she was awake.
Then, this Friday night, at about 8:30 pm., I began to think about my dear sweet Mother and began crying hard about her impending death. She had been so weak during the day when I was sitting with her that I knew it couldn't be much longer before she would go. I called Janice for some reason and she heard how upset I was as I began to say I thought I should go up to Salt Lake and stay the night with Mother. She gently tried to reassure my that Mother was all right and that I needed to go to bed and get a good nights rest.
After we hung up the feeling just got worse. I knew Mother was very close to death when I left her that afternoon and I couldn't stand the thought that she might die and I wouldn't be there.to comfort her. The more I thought about that, the more I wanted to be there through the night in case she did die that night.
Finally I felt I just HAD to go up there and stay the night with her. So I asked Joe, who was in the middle of his "boy's night out," if he would come and take me to the care center where Mother was staying. He immediately agreed (Dear Hub) and after a few moments of flighty preparation, we left. About 5 minutes from home I realized I hadn't taken my nightly pills, so we went back. On the way Joe said he thought was he was too tired to drive up and back without falling asleep so I suggested Michelle could take me up as she had offered just a few days before.
We got home and Michelle was more than willing to take me, so, we after I took my pills and got my hydrocodone for the next day, we left again. We got there at about 9:30p.m. Mother was sleeping or in a coma and couldn't be roused. Michelle stayed with me about a half and hour, talking to me and comforting me. After she left, I laid down on the other bed in her room and fell fast asleep.
The aid at the nursing center came in at about 2:00 to change her brief and give her her medicine which woke me up. I got up and stayed awake about 15 minutes. I could hear that Mother was resting well so I went back to sleep until about 4:15 a.m. I got up again and went over to see how Mother was doing. Whe breathing in a laboring manner and I went out and asked the nurse if she could come in and give her some morphine to ease her somewhat. The nurse asked me to wait for 10:00 minutes and she could give Mother both her medications. So I agreed but I was kind of thinking what difference did 10:00 minutes make? Anyway, they did come in at 4:30 and gave her the medication.
At that point, after I watched Mother labor to breathe I asked the nurse if she couldn't start giving her the morphine every hour as I knew Hospice had said that we could do that if Mother needed it. The nurse said she would have to call Hospice to ask permission as if that was a hard thing to do. I impatiently asked her to please do that, which she did. So they came in every hour from then on and Mother rested much better from then on.
I couldn't get back to sleep after trying for some time so at about 6:30 a.m. I got up and started to read. I had tried several time through the night to wake her up to tell her I loved her but she could be roused so I realized she was in a coma. I thought she could be in a coma for at least a day or two, so I determined that I would just keep a vigil from that time on until she died so I could be sure to be there with her when she died.
After giving Mother hugs and expressing my love to her, I sat down to read a book, Hearing the Voice of the Lord by Brother Gerald Lund. I had only been reading for a few minutes when I suddenly felt the impression to look up at Mother. I immediately say that she had foam coming out of her mouth and got up to wipe it away. It took three Kleenex's to get it all cleaned away and then I could see down her throat that no air was going in or out and I wondered if she had died. I put my ear on her chest to see if I could hear a heart beat and thought for a minute that I could, but then I felt her neck for a pulse and there was none so I knew she had passed on.
I went out to the nurses station and told them she had died and they practically ran to her room and began to hurriedly change her, clean her body and asked me what I wanted her to wear. I picked out a light blue, velour pantsuit. As they were finishing I was crying pretty hard and knew I wouldn't have the composure to call my brother and sisters, so I called Jennifer and asked her to do it. She readily agreed and said that Eileen could be there in just a few minutes so I wouldn't be alone and that she and Janice would be there as soon as they could (which was about a half an hour.) She also had the foresight to call the Hospice nurse who came in about 15 minutes..I was fine being alone with Mother and was able to kiss and caress her face and hug her for several minutes before anyone came.
She was just so peaceful looking and her passing had been gentle and quiet for which I was very grateful. She just slipped away almost unnoticed. I was so glad it had been so easy for her.
Just a few minutes later, Eileen walked in and we hugged and cried together. Then a while later Annette, Mike and Joe got there and also my husband, Joe, they all also cried and hugged Mother. Then we spent several hours discussing Mother's life and making plans for the funeral program.
Mother had asked that we three girls speak and Joe to conduct and make remarks at the end. She also asked that my Eileen's daughter, Rebecca, sing. We realized she hadn't remembered to say that Larry's family be represented as he and Venise were on a senior mission in England. We decided to ask Larry to write a talk and have one of his sons read it at the funeral.
Finally we decided we should ask Janice and the Hospice nurse to arrange for the mortuary to come and get her body. They got there in just a few minutes and set an appointment for us to come in and discuss the arrangements for her burial and took our Mother's body away to be prepared as the sooner they got her embalmed the better she would look for her funeral.
Then we all went to Chuck 'o Rama except Janice and Jennifer who had plans to go to the Draper Temple open house. We had a leisurely lunch and then went to the mortuary for our meeting. Even though Mother had almost every thing planned and paid for, even to the point of writing her own obituary, It still took us about two and a half hours to get everything settled.
Then Joe and I drove home. I was exhausted but could not get to sleep even for a short nap. Janice and Jennifer came about 6:30 or 7:00 and stayed with me comforting me and talking with their Dad and Steve and Michelle until 9:00. Then I went to bed and slept until I woke up and decided to write about all this while it was fresh in my mind.
I can hardly express my gratitude to the Lord for inspiring me to go stay the night with Mother as I really felt strongly that I didn't want her to die alone. I knew she didn't want us to keep a vigil every night until she passed away but I felt that under the circumstances she wouldn't mind if I came and stayed just that one night as I needed the comfort of being there when she passed away because I had always felt so bad that I had missed being there when my Father died.
Also, I can hardly express my deepest, heartfelt gratitude to Heavenly Father that we know of the Plan of Salvation and that Mother is inexpressibly happy to be free from her old body and to see her loved ones, especially my Father, who passed away 19 years ago and her son and our brother, Stephen, who passed away 30 years ago and also her little grandson, Travis, who died just 6 months after Stephen.
I am so glad that I got to spend my Fridays for the last 4 years visiting with Mother and bringing her lunch at the care center. Most of that time Emilee and her little children came with me and just this last year Jennifer and Janice were able to join us as well for several months each. She was especially happy that Emilee and Janice brought a nice roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy and homemade rolls for her lunch just two or three weeks ago. That was our favorite Sunday meal all while I was growing up. We usually brought Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza or a chicken salad sandwich for lunch but the girls felt inspired to bring that one meal just before she decided to finally allow herself to purposely withhold food and water so that she could finally die.
What a blessing it was to have such a wonderful, loving, self sacrificing woman to be my mother. Also, a great blessing to have a knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and faith in the hereafter to comfort us at her passing.
She will always hold a very special place in my heart. I will miss her dearly.
I love you so much, Mother. Enjoy your new life!
By about Saturday or Sunday she was somewhat frustrated that she had not died yet and as many of the family were there visiting her, it was suggested that we have a family prayer which she immediately insisted that she say. She said a beautiful prayer about her gratitude for her wonderful family and tearfully, passionately pleaded with the Lord to know His will and what she should do to hasted her death. We all felt impressed that she was just to persevere and that she would die in just a few more days.
Over the next week all but three or four of her 27 grandchildren and their families come to visit her to say their goodbyes. The others lived out of state and couldn't make it. But we had several days of mixed joy and sorrow as we contemplated her death and kept a vigil at her side. She insisted we all go home at night as she didn't want us to miss our sleep to watch over her. She said she would be fine if she died in the night and that we should not worry about that. That was the way she wanted it. So we all went home but came back each day from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. to be with her until she died. I should say that we ended up taking turns for a few hours each day so she wouldn't be alone while she was awake.
Then, this Friday night, at about 8:30 pm., I began to think about my dear sweet Mother and began crying hard about her impending death. She had been so weak during the day when I was sitting with her that I knew it couldn't be much longer before she would go. I called Janice for some reason and she heard how upset I was as I began to say I thought I should go up to Salt Lake and stay the night with Mother. She gently tried to reassure my that Mother was all right and that I needed to go to bed and get a good nights rest.
After we hung up the feeling just got worse. I knew Mother was very close to death when I left her that afternoon and I couldn't stand the thought that she might die and I wouldn't be there.to comfort her. The more I thought about that, the more I wanted to be there through the night in case she did die that night.
Finally I felt I just HAD to go up there and stay the night with her. So I asked Joe, who was in the middle of his "boy's night out," if he would come and take me to the care center where Mother was staying. He immediately agreed (Dear Hub) and after a few moments of flighty preparation, we left. About 5 minutes from home I realized I hadn't taken my nightly pills, so we went back. On the way Joe said he thought was he was too tired to drive up and back without falling asleep so I suggested Michelle could take me up as she had offered just a few days before.
We got home and Michelle was more than willing to take me, so, we after I took my pills and got my hydrocodone for the next day, we left again. We got there at about 9:30p.m. Mother was sleeping or in a coma and couldn't be roused. Michelle stayed with me about a half and hour, talking to me and comforting me. After she left, I laid down on the other bed in her room and fell fast asleep.
The aid at the nursing center came in at about 2:00 to change her brief and give her her medicine which woke me up. I got up and stayed awake about 15 minutes. I could hear that Mother was resting well so I went back to sleep until about 4:15 a.m. I got up again and went over to see how Mother was doing. Whe breathing in a laboring manner and I went out and asked the nurse if she could come in and give her some morphine to ease her somewhat. The nurse asked me to wait for 10:00 minutes and she could give Mother both her medications. So I agreed but I was kind of thinking what difference did 10:00 minutes make? Anyway, they did come in at 4:30 and gave her the medication.
At that point, after I watched Mother labor to breathe I asked the nurse if she couldn't start giving her the morphine every hour as I knew Hospice had said that we could do that if Mother needed it. The nurse said she would have to call Hospice to ask permission as if that was a hard thing to do. I impatiently asked her to please do that, which she did. So they came in every hour from then on and Mother rested much better from then on.
I couldn't get back to sleep after trying for some time so at about 6:30 a.m. I got up and started to read. I had tried several time through the night to wake her up to tell her I loved her but she could be roused so I realized she was in a coma. I thought she could be in a coma for at least a day or two, so I determined that I would just keep a vigil from that time on until she died so I could be sure to be there with her when she died.
After giving Mother hugs and expressing my love to her, I sat down to read a book, Hearing the Voice of the Lord by Brother Gerald Lund. I had only been reading for a few minutes when I suddenly felt the impression to look up at Mother. I immediately say that she had foam coming out of her mouth and got up to wipe it away. It took three Kleenex's to get it all cleaned away and then I could see down her throat that no air was going in or out and I wondered if she had died. I put my ear on her chest to see if I could hear a heart beat and thought for a minute that I could, but then I felt her neck for a pulse and there was none so I knew she had passed on.
I went out to the nurses station and told them she had died and they practically ran to her room and began to hurriedly change her, clean her body and asked me what I wanted her to wear. I picked out a light blue, velour pantsuit. As they were finishing I was crying pretty hard and knew I wouldn't have the composure to call my brother and sisters, so I called Jennifer and asked her to do it. She readily agreed and said that Eileen could be there in just a few minutes so I wouldn't be alone and that she and Janice would be there as soon as they could (which was about a half an hour.) She also had the foresight to call the Hospice nurse who came in about 15 minutes..I was fine being alone with Mother and was able to kiss and caress her face and hug her for several minutes before anyone came.
She was just so peaceful looking and her passing had been gentle and quiet for which I was very grateful. She just slipped away almost unnoticed. I was so glad it had been so easy for her.
Just a few minutes later, Eileen walked in and we hugged and cried together. Then a while later Annette, Mike and Joe got there and also my husband, Joe, they all also cried and hugged Mother. Then we spent several hours discussing Mother's life and making plans for the funeral program.
Mother had asked that we three girls speak and Joe to conduct and make remarks at the end. She also asked that my Eileen's daughter, Rebecca, sing. We realized she hadn't remembered to say that Larry's family be represented as he and Venise were on a senior mission in England. We decided to ask Larry to write a talk and have one of his sons read it at the funeral.
Finally we decided we should ask Janice and the Hospice nurse to arrange for the mortuary to come and get her body. They got there in just a few minutes and set an appointment for us to come in and discuss the arrangements for her burial and took our Mother's body away to be prepared as the sooner they got her embalmed the better she would look for her funeral.
Then we all went to Chuck 'o Rama except Janice and Jennifer who had plans to go to the Draper Temple open house. We had a leisurely lunch and then went to the mortuary for our meeting. Even though Mother had almost every thing planned and paid for, even to the point of writing her own obituary, It still took us about two and a half hours to get everything settled.
Then Joe and I drove home. I was exhausted but could not get to sleep even for a short nap. Janice and Jennifer came about 6:30 or 7:00 and stayed with me comforting me and talking with their Dad and Steve and Michelle until 9:00. Then I went to bed and slept until I woke up and decided to write about all this while it was fresh in my mind.
I can hardly express my gratitude to the Lord for inspiring me to go stay the night with Mother as I really felt strongly that I didn't want her to die alone. I knew she didn't want us to keep a vigil every night until she passed away but I felt that under the circumstances she wouldn't mind if I came and stayed just that one night as I needed the comfort of being there when she passed away because I had always felt so bad that I had missed being there when my Father died.
Also, I can hardly express my deepest, heartfelt gratitude to Heavenly Father that we know of the Plan of Salvation and that Mother is inexpressibly happy to be free from her old body and to see her loved ones, especially my Father, who passed away 19 years ago and her son and our brother, Stephen, who passed away 30 years ago and also her little grandson, Travis, who died just 6 months after Stephen.
I am so glad that I got to spend my Fridays for the last 4 years visiting with Mother and bringing her lunch at the care center. Most of that time Emilee and her little children came with me and just this last year Jennifer and Janice were able to join us as well for several months each. She was especially happy that Emilee and Janice brought a nice roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy and homemade rolls for her lunch just two or three weeks ago. That was our favorite Sunday meal all while I was growing up. We usually brought Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza or a chicken salad sandwich for lunch but the girls felt inspired to bring that one meal just before she decided to finally allow herself to purposely withhold food and water so that she could finally die.
What a blessing it was to have such a wonderful, loving, self sacrificing woman to be my mother. Also, a great blessing to have a knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and faith in the hereafter to comfort us at her passing.
She will always hold a very special place in my heart. I will miss her dearly.
I love you so much, Mother. Enjoy your new life!
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