Going beyond the mark

When I took notes from General Conference I decided the one thing I was going to change was my problem of having very little temperance. That shows up in the weight I've gained as an adult, in the money I have spent without being frugal, the extremes I've gone to, and being black or white in my thinking. I'm sure there are other ways I've been extravagant that I can't think of right now. Anyway, I've wanted to learn to be more balanced and more temperate in my thinking and behavior.

So maybe it's just my negative way of looking at things but I've had the experience of realizing I was very intemperate. Last week I was typing up some long passages of scripture that were meaningful to me in a very personal way. I wanted to put them in my journal. So about a third of the way through I had the smallest of impressions that I should stop and get something to eat for lunch. But I thought to myself that I would do just a little bit more and then I would stop. Well, about four hours later I finally finished and realized I hadn't stopped for lunch and I was sick and in pain from pushing too hard to get it done.

I've learned two things. One is that I can be intemperate in so many ways that I would never have thought of. And two, that the still small voice is really still and really small and if I don't pay attention to it I can get myself in a lot of trouble.

I've also had the experience when I'm eating of feeling full and knowing that I had eaten enough but still wanting to eat more. I was not satisfied somehow and the urge to eat more was really strong. I prayed in my mind that I would be able to hold out for a few minutes longer and I knew that the urge would go away. Well, I did and it did, but I had to get away from the table and distract myself.

So I am having some success but it took the pain and sickness from "going beyond the mark" in typing up the scriptures to really get my attention. I am listening to that still small voice a little better now. I do wish I could eat without wanting to keep eating when I am full. It takes a lot of help from the Lord and some action on my part to pass up that extra food. I am going to have to find some way to distract myself that is really attractive to me so the feeling of having deprived myself will not be so strong.

Being temperate is harder than I thought it would be. And I still haven't understood the connection goals have to being temperate. I thought temperance was pretty much the same as "moderation in all things." I'm going to have to do some pondering, meditating and thinking on the subject of goals in relation to temperance.

Well, as they say, onward and upward.