Sad News

I found out on Monday of this week that there was a possibility that I couldn't get a mission call to work as a missionary for the Church's 12 Step program. There was some question about the medications I was on, especially the Ambien. I told Brother Miner (who is in charge of the program in northern Utah County) that I had been on it for 10 years and had developed a physical dependence on it. That I have not been able to go off of it even after trying 3 times very hard. When I tried even for only three days, the lack of sleep caused the fibromyalgia to flare up terribly, causing me to be really sick and bed ridden for as long as 5 months or more.
He said he would call the Church's Missionary Department to see if they could make an exception for me.

On Tuesday morning as I was praying I thought to ask the Lord to let them be impressed to let me serve in that program. As I asked for that blessing the thought that came to my mind was "Do you want your will to be done or My will to be done?" As I heard those words in my mind, I of course, wanted the His will as I knew that He knew what would be best for me and for the program in general. So I changed my prayer to say "please let Thy will be done in this matter."

About 10 minutes later I got a call from Brother Miner saying that the Church couldn't make an exception for me because they wanted to be sure that the missionaries would be an example to the people they were working with, that they could live without drugs or alcohol. They said I could be a missionary in any other service mission I wanted, even being on the Ambien, but not this one.

I was sad for two days about this and was wondering if that showed a lack of faith or that I really didn't want the Lord's will to be done. I finally asked a friend in my OA program and Joe what they thought. They both said they didn't think the Lord would see that as a lack of faith but only as a disappointment or a loss of something that I had looked forward to. My OA friend said it was like having a loved one die and knowing that it was the Lord's will but being sad that they were gone and missing them.

That made me feel better about being sad. Now I feel better about the whole situation and am not sad anymore. I have decided to see if there is some other area where I could serve that I would like as well. I may go back to the MTC again as I loved that mission. I drive in to Orem or Provo three times a week anyway for my 12 step meetings so it wouldn't be hard to serve there.

Well, I am still looking forward to the cookout Monday and our vacation with Joe and Eileen this next week. I have heard from Holly that their family won't be able to come so it will just be our family. I'm sure we will all have a great time. See you there.

Love to all,

Mither