Very Short Post

So, I just had to write that I lost 10 more pounds this month. It is very likely that I will have lost 100 lbs by the end of the year! I can't believe this miracle is happening to me! Yay for me!

{{{hugs}}}

Mither

Short or Long?

I am tired this morning so this will be short.

I just want to tell everyone who has posted lately that I have tried to comment on all your blogs but my computer is not letting my comments go through. It keeps saying that there are "visual images" that I have to write but doesn't show the letters it wants me to reproduce. It's frustrating but at least I have gained some confidence on the computer compared to what it was like when I first started blogging.

I finally had a "slip" in my CEA-HOW program which means I didn't stay abstinent one day. The good news is that I was able to get right back on the program and didn't go on a binge or give up completely. The fact that I call my sponsor every day and go over my food with her helped me keep it in perspective.

I have been feeling very squirrely for the last week and a half as I was going over my character defects one at a time and writing about them. I noticed after doing this for 5 or 6 days that I was beginning to have very negative thoughts about myself, something I haven't struggled with for several years now. I finally saw the connection between doing my forth step (inventory of my character defects) and the negative thoughts. I talked it over with Joe and my sponsor (Carletta is her name) and decided it wasn't good for me to go about the inventory the way I was doing it, so I quit. I'm still having the negative thoughts. My sponsor said today that it was a form of pride - right - low end pride. I forgot about that. It has helped to be reminded. Anyway that's what lead to the slip.

We have gotten in to a discussion about how beating up on myself is a counterproductive way of dealing with guilt. There is a whole lot more to this discussion that I am writing about in my 12 Step journal so I won't repeat it all here. Suffice it to say that I still have a lot to learn about how guilt relates to humility and accepting myself as human/mortal and loving myself anyway.

This is shorter than my previous posts but is still longer than I had planned to write. More later.

As Ever,

Mither