16 Days and Counting

Well, it's been 16 days since I joined CEA-HOW (Compulsive Eaters Anonymous - Honest, Open-minded and Willing) and I'm still doing it! This is a miracle. There is no way I could have had the discipline and control this program demands without God doing it for me.

It's actually been easy though it took a lot of time to get organized and going the first few days (actually the first 16 days :) I do think I'm getting it down now, though. I find making the meals time consuming especially for someone who often would just grab a peanut butter sandwich when I was on the run. And eating 5 cups of vegetables a day just wasn't something I would ever have even considered until now. I've done the "no sugar" thing for months at a time but no flour, either? Forget it!

I also have to make three "outreach" calls a day (calls to cheer on someone else in the program or to receive encouragement yourself) besides calling my sponsor and writing the answer to one question a day about the 12 Steps.

So why would I do this to myself? Just look what I've done to myself by gaining so much weight over the years. And when I go to their meetings and see 3 women who have lost over 100 lbs and everyone else who has lost from 30 to 86 lbs each, well it convinces me that this is the answer I've needed. And I only have to do it one day at a time.

Like I said, I never could have lasted more than 3 or 4 days on a diet like this before now. I had to absolutely trust Heavenly Father that he would give me the discipline I needed because I was convinced by years of failure at any other diet or self-improvement program I've ever tried that this, too, would be just another one of my high hopes that crashed.

One of the women in the meeting own Coldstone. She's the one that has lost 86 lbs. I asked her how she does it when she works there every day. She said remembering the 23 years of being fat and miserable makes it easy. She is super busy with work and 4 teenage kids and yet she works this in. There are simpler meals she fixes and she eats out a lot but still she is amazing.

OUCH!

Tuesday morning I was taking Chloe to the Vet when, as I went from the house to the garage, I fell from the step down to the landing and then the whole way down the rest of the steps and ended up on the floor of the garage. I sprained my foot and have various large bruises all over my body. I was in pain all over my body yesterday as well, and am somewhat better now but I still have trouble walking. I am curtailing my activities for the rest of the week while I heal.

This is the second time I've fallen down those steps. Last time I sprained both my ankles, so at least this time I wasn't as badly hurt. But my body doesn't seem to know that. It still hurts as bad as it did then. I seem to fall more than the average person. I guess I am just clumsy. +)

Oh well, wish me well. I am starting a new 12 step program tomorrow to help me lose weight. I haven't been successful in the long run in OA and wanted to step up my program. I guess the Lord knew I needed something else and brought this into my life.

Happy day, everyone! :)

Losing Grey Matter at an Alarming Rate!

I couldn't, for the life of me, remember what I did on New Years Eve. I had to call Michelle. I thought maybe we'd spent it with her and Steve.... We did. We played Yatzee, watched NCIS and did puzzles. Pizza and Sprite for dinner. Noisy horns, two minutes late. Now I remember! We did have fun!

Saturday Adam and Stacey moved in and Janice, Joshie, Brianna, Braydon, Camden and I took the tree down. Turns out Jan and I mis-communicated about when to do it. She had suggested that we do it tonight. It was very likely my grey matter problem that caused us to take it down with so many helpers. Fun times!

Janice about knocked herself out trying to take ornaments off the tree and tend four kids. Only my snow globe got broken. No big deal, it was going to DI after this year, anyway, as it was losing water. (How does water get out of a snow globe, anyway? There is no opening for it to come out of.)

How do I thank Janice for once again putting the needs of someone else before her own? You are priceless, Honey! I pray for the Lord's choicest blessings to be upon you. And yes, thank you for being you.

I went to my 12 Step meeting today. I really choked up when it came my turn to share. I spoke about one of the addicts in my life and their bad choices. Then I talked of my own addiction and the struggle it is when I'm not abstinant. I got a handbook from Family Support and have spent the afternoon reading it. I've gotten to read about how co-dependant I am all over again *sigh*

It's good to be reminded that I am only responsible for myself and that God is in charge.