On The Mend

I got home from the hospital today and am amazed at how well I'm doing. This recovery is light-years ahead of what I experienced with my other hip surgery. I am able to get around by myself on my walker or a cane and it's only been a week since the surgery. I am still on pain medication and need help with meals but Joe has arranged to work from home for the remainder of this week and next week I will have help from the ward with meals. Other than that it's only a matter of time-waiting to heal completely-until I am back to normal. I will probably be back to my mission by the first week in April or so.

I have been reading an excellent book on mentoring and working on my goals and affirmations for the last few days while I was in the hospital. I will be developing my website for my art class over the next two weeks and continuing organizing HOPE which will keep me busy while I recuperate.

Now I need to write on my art blog and then go back to bed as sitting up too long wears me out and causes the pain to get worse.

Cheers!

I'm Back

I know, I know it's been a long, long time since I wrote but I've started a new blog called "Corilee Southern Art" that I wanted t tell everyone about. I will be wrting more there than here probably but I will start writing here occasionally as well.

I finished my CEA-HOE diet, at least the weight loss part and am now on the maintenance diet and have kept my 150 lb. weight loss for the last 9 months fluctuating only a few pounds higher or lower than my goal weight. It is a whohle new life. I love feeling like I look good and am no longer self-conscious about how I look. I have so much more energy and stamina and sleep a lot less and am happier than ever before.

I have started a new 12 Step program called Eating Disorders Anonymous HOPE (Honest, Obedient, Prayerful and Exceedingly grateful) for members of the Church which focuses on the Atonement, the Holy Spirit, the Word of Wisdom and the Scriptures as the major means to achieveing ongoing recovery from our obsessive/compulsive behaviours rergarding food.. It will include anorexics, bulimics and those who can't keep there weight at a healthy level (or compulsive eaters as we call ourselves). We have two meetings a week with about 12-15 women attending and all are achieving success in their efforts. We had our first anorexic come on Wednesday which was exciting. She has volunteered to be the secretary for our business meetings which will be nice so that I don't have to do that part of it. She is also going to write some pamphlet for us to help those whose addiction is centered around unhealthy eating patterns more than around eating too much.

I am so excited aboout my new projects. One other project I am working on is a blessing dress I am making for Janice for when she marries and has her first hoped for daughter. It is almost done. But I've put that on hold as I am making a bedskirt and pillows for my bed so my bedroom will look nice for when I have visitors while I am recovering from hip surgery which I am have this coming Tuesday.

Well that's all for now,

Cheers!

Celebrate Good Times

I can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I posted. Most of that time I was recovering from surgery and couldn't sit so it would have been hard to write on the computer. But I think that since my last post was soooooooooo long that nobody read it, it's just as well. I have been writing in my CEA-HOW journal which has been an interesting experience for me.

I just wanted to write about how bummed I was last month when I only lost 1 pound. That was really disappointing but this month I lost 18 pounds!!! for a total of 122 pounds for the year and one month I have been doing CEA-HOW.

Life is really great when you lose weight, isn't it!

Cheers,
Corilee

(I couldn't get the computer to stop writing in italics so, alas, here it is as it is :) )

It's one week before Christmas and I am all ready for it except for doing my Christmas cards. We didn't spend as much this year as we have in years past. That may be a good thing, I just hope the family - the Grandchildren especially - aren't disappointed. We bought them children's versions of the scriptures. Actually they are just stories from the scriptures but I wanted to get them something that would remind them of the gifts we have been given from the Lord and that Christmas is really about Christ and not Santa Clause. They are only getting one gift from us.



OH! I just remembered! I have a couple of little gifts for them that I bought last summer and they aren't wrapped! Looks like I'm going to have to spend a couple of hours wrapping this next week after all.



Joe asked me if he should spoil my Christmas for me. I immediately said NO. Then he asked if he should he tell me how his Christmas isn't going to be a surprise for him. Having bought two small gifts for him this last week I was suspicious of him saying that and asked him what he knew. He admitted that he saw what I gotten him on the bank records he looks at every day. I bought him a Dowdle puzzle with my debit card not realizing it would show up there. I didn't think of that when I bought it. He also knew I got something from FYE (For Your Entertainment) He doesn't know what, yet, but it isn't going to be much of a surprise.



Foiled again! One of these years he is going to be surprised and not know what he is getting.

Maybe I should get him a lump of coal. I don't even know where I would get one for him, but I could try.... :)



I forgot to write about our Thanksgiving Day last month. It was as special as ever. I used my china, goblets, had candles on the tables with nice tablecloths and used my pretty milkglass serving dishes. It is the only time I go all out like that (somewhat to the girl's dismay - they don't like cleaning up all that finery- but hey! it's only once a year. It will be memorable to them in future years, I hope in a good way.) I borrowed Daniel's chaffing pan to keep the potatoes warm while we sliced the turkey. I also had two tables and several folding chairs from his rental center. It made it so we could seat everyone. We put the tables up in the living room which made it crowded but fun.



I "brined" the turkey this year. I have never heard of doing that before. I happened to see a box of brining solution at the store the week before Thanksgiving and looked it up on the net. I decided to do it myself and found several recipes that sounded good. The one I chose basically had salt and spices and turned out to be delicious. I've never had such juicy turkey. I am going to do that from now on.



Janice and Emilee had the idea of putting up the Christmas tree that night instead of trying to do my tree (I don't have the stamina to do it all myself, anymore, so they have taken on the job and helped me out) and theirs the next day as we've done in the past.



Several of the grandchildren "helped" us. I have gone to all plastic bulbs for the very reason of letting the kids touch them without worrying about it. I do have about 5 or 6 glass bulbs that I hang up high so it isn't a problem. I also have the handmade ornaments June (Joe's mother) made for us about 25 years ago but I was very careful about letting them hang those. I also have some glass and Chrystal "ice cycles" that the kids hung but they got the idea about how special they were and were very, very careful with them.



It was cute and fun to see them so excited to be helping. It only took us about two hours and the tree was done and all the storage boxes packed away until January.



I have been missing Chloe since I gave her away this last week. I decided it was too much of a problem to have Steve and Janelle visit and have to leave early with bloodshot eyes and serious congestion because they were allergic to her. It seemed to get worse every time they came. The last time they came they each had rubbed their eyes and had to leave early because it was so bad.



Jennifer and Michelle each helped me put an add on line (we did two different adds) and I ended up giving her to a woman who considered her animals her "children." She was only able to have one child who is now 14 years old and she was very loving to Chloe the minute she saw her. I felt considerable relief at finding someone so good to give her to.



We had good news last week! Michelle gave birth to our newest grandchild, Mikayla Mickelle.

She only weighed a little over 5 lbs. so she is very small but darling. Michelle is happy that she has hair (more than Jenni had at 18 months old). She had to stay in the NICU for several days because she inhaled some merconium when she was born. We were a little worried about her for a few days but she ended up getting over the infection she had (from Michelle's being a little sick the week before) and her breathing problems and was able to come home this week.

Well, as usual, this post is long. I guess I should keep a journal apart from my blog but since I don't know how to set it up, it'll have to wait until someone can help me.

That's all for now,

Loves, Mither

I didn't realize it had been so long between posts.... sorry.

I got to weigh myself yesterday and I have lost a total of 102 lbs, if you count the 11 pounds I lost in OA. I also broke the 200 lb. mark I weigh 196 lbs. I still want to lose about 40-45 lbs.I am so happy that the Lord is doing the discipline for me and I am glad that I finally was ready to go to any length to lose weight. The CEA-HOW program is a marvelous diet. I am full all the time and it such a healthy way to eat.

Enough of diets, I'm on to other things.

We have celebrated Joshua, Kate, Ethan and Logan's birthdays by taking them, alone, to lunch at IHOP right around the time of their baptism. We also celebrated Brendon's Baptism by taking him out to eat, but he didn't want to go alone with us so we went with their whole family. We gave each of the kids a copy of the book How Does The Holy Ghost Make Me Feel? It is an excellent way to explain the how we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and how to use it in our lives. It just occurred to me that we never did take Holly out. We'll have to make it a point to do that.

We are in the process of getting our food storage all gathered in. I went to the Church's web page and entered "food storage calculator" and am in the process of using it to complete the necessary items to live through the hard times ahead.

(continued December 5, 2010)

I didn't realize it had been so long since I wrote this post. I don't remember whose scales I used last time I wrote but as of November 15th I have lost 100 lbs. (111 if you count the OA program I was on for 12 years.) Maybe it was at the doctor that I only weighed 192 lbs. I know that must sound terrible to weigh that much to some but when you consider that I started at 303 lbs. it's great! At least I think so.

I am serving my last week at the LDS Employment Resource center in American Fork starting tomorrow. I have put my papers in to serve as a hostess at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building next. I just talked to the Stake President Thursday night about it and he asked when I would be available to start. I told him that when I filled out the papers I put down December 10th but found out that it was possible that I would have to have surgery on the 15th. So he put off sending in the papers until I knew for sure. I found out Friday at the doctors that I definitely would be having the surgery (for both bowel and bladder incontinence - results of having so many babies) on the 15th so he is making that change on my papers and putting my available date as February 1st.

I just had a blessing tonight for a problem I am having with my meds. Some days when I wake up I feel as if the meds haven't worn off. I am sleepy and have a hard time writing up my menu to give to my sponsor. Sometimes I even have a hard time speaking to her or to my sponsees on my early morning calls. I have had to call my mission leaders to tell them I couldn't drive several times and twice had to turn around and drive home when I found I could hardly stay awake to drive myself to work (my mission.)

I went to Dr. Brown about this and he suggested I try cutting down on the medication I take for fibromyalgia, which I did, but to no avail. I have been wondering if it's some weird fluke of the Ambien I'm taking. That would seem strange since I've been on it for 12 years or so and have never had this happen before. And to further complicate the matter, it doesn't happen every day. It's happened 8 or 10 times now, though, and is becoming a real problem. Twice I've had to come home from Church because I couldn't stay awake in Sacrament meeting. It happened again, for the third Sunday, today so Joe suggested I get a blessing.

He gave me a wonderful blessing that included counsel about finding peace and comfort for my fears about the future as well as being assured that we would be able to find out what was causing the problem with my meds.

Blessings are always a wonderful thing. Joe also gave Daniel and Emilee blessings today. He was supposed to bless Daniel that his arm would get better but ended up giving him a blessing having to do with his business and personal life. After the blessing Emilee said "well, I guess Daniel didn't need his arm blessed after all." Joe had completely forgotten that that was what the blessing was for. I suggested that they just give him another blessing. David and his little girls were there. We had originally asked him to come to assist in giving my blessing but when Daniel called and asked for a blessing we called David to tell him he didn't need to come and found out that he was just pulling up to the house right then. So he came in to visit and to assist in the blessings after all. David is the one who blessed Daniel the second time.

A side note here is that Annika, Mieka, Emma and Matthew were playing in the "toy room" and found they could "talk" to Joshie through the heater vent. They thought that was extra fun. They ended up going down there to play for a little while and then they all came up stairs for a little while. It's amazing how much fun those little kids have when they all get together.... and such energy, too! I wears me out just to watch them.

I got my hair cut short yesterday. It took me more than a year to grow it out so it was something I thought long about. I thought it looked cute yesterday but today I'm not so sure I like it. Too late now, though. I guess I could try growing it out again but I'd have to go through that awful stage when it isn't long enough to do anything with and too long to look cute otherwise. Oh well....

Anyway, that's all for now.

Mither

p. s. I forgot to write about Thanksgiving Day! I'll write about it in my next post.

Very Short Post

So, I just had to write that I lost 10 more pounds this month. It is very likely that I will have lost 100 lbs by the end of the year! I can't believe this miracle is happening to me! Yay for me!

{{{hugs}}}

Mither

Short or Long?

I am tired this morning so this will be short.

I just want to tell everyone who has posted lately that I have tried to comment on all your blogs but my computer is not letting my comments go through. It keeps saying that there are "visual images" that I have to write but doesn't show the letters it wants me to reproduce. It's frustrating but at least I have gained some confidence on the computer compared to what it was like when I first started blogging.

I finally had a "slip" in my CEA-HOW program which means I didn't stay abstinent one day. The good news is that I was able to get right back on the program and didn't go on a binge or give up completely. The fact that I call my sponsor every day and go over my food with her helped me keep it in perspective.

I have been feeling very squirrely for the last week and a half as I was going over my character defects one at a time and writing about them. I noticed after doing this for 5 or 6 days that I was beginning to have very negative thoughts about myself, something I haven't struggled with for several years now. I finally saw the connection between doing my forth step (inventory of my character defects) and the negative thoughts. I talked it over with Joe and my sponsor (Carletta is her name) and decided it wasn't good for me to go about the inventory the way I was doing it, so I quit. I'm still having the negative thoughts. My sponsor said today that it was a form of pride - right - low end pride. I forgot about that. It has helped to be reminded. Anyway that's what lead to the slip.

We have gotten in to a discussion about how beating up on myself is a counterproductive way of dealing with guilt. There is a whole lot more to this discussion that I am writing about in my 12 Step journal so I won't repeat it all here. Suffice it to say that I still have a lot to learn about how guilt relates to humility and accepting myself as human/mortal and loving myself anyway.

This is shorter than my previous posts but is still longer than I had planned to write. More later.

As Ever,

Mither

Late Night, Again

It's 2:15 a.m. and I haven't been able to fall asleep yet tonight. Joe just came up (in the bonus room) and told me he forgot to put an Ambien in my pills for tonight. I'd say "Aarrgg"but it is so unlady-like so I am just biting my knuckles instead. My program on KSRR is this morning at 9:00 so I can't take a pill now or I won't be able to drive when it's time to go to the station.

I prayed that I would be calm and collected for the program. Under the circumstances I'll be lucky to be able to keep from falling asleep so calm won't even be an issue. It took me about three hours to prepare for this half hour show. I hope it goes well.

I mentioned going shopping for new clothes in my last entry. I did and found two beautiful blouses and two really nice long winter coats, one dressy and one casual. It's a good thing because when I tried on the short coat I got from Costco in front of a mirror it looked terrible. It's way too small. I may be able to wear it next winter but not this one.

I guess I can say, now, that Emilee's baby's name is Isobella. I think her middle name is Jennifer but I'm not sure about that. She has a whole head full of black hair and weighed in at right around 8 lbs. Savanna is only now reaching 8 lbs. and she is two months old. They are both "as cute as a bug's ear" as my Dad used to say. It'll be fun to have three little toddlers playing together once all three babies are around a year old. We found out that Michelle's baby is definitely and girl. She is due in December.

We celebrated Dannan and Mieka's birthdays today and everyone was there except Michael and Janelle who is in the hospital having a cancerous tumor removed from her colon. I wish it had occurred to me that I could have taken their girls one of the days Janelle was laid up. I am going to have to get used to thinking of ways I can serve my family now that the fibromyalgia is in remission.

Well, I think I'll go back to bed and see if I can get a couple of hours of sleep before I have to get up.

Cheers,

Mither

Good News Twice Over

I got to see and hold Emilee and Dan's new baby moments after she was born. I was somewhat frustrated because, through a series of misunderstandings on my part I had to finish eating my dinner in Emilee's room while everyone else got to hold and take pictures of the baby. Not only was I frustrated, I was embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Hmmm. It just occurred to me that I could have finished in the cafeteria and then gone up to the room. Didn't even cross my mind at the time. Now I feel foolish on top of feeling frustrated, embarrassed and uncomfortable. Oh well, The baby is darling but I don't want to steal any of Emilee's thunder by describing her or giving her name.

Good news.... Not as good as Emilee's but right up there with Christmas presents. You might have guessed from my reference to Christmas that I got to weigh again yesterday. Seven more lbs lost for a total of 77 lbs. Good news, again. I need to go to DI to buy new (used) clothes for work and more pants for everyday wear. This is getting more and more fun as I go. It's still hard to find pants that fit right. Always too big in the waist if they fit my hips. But the hips are smaller by 11 inches.

Can't help being THRILLED that Heavenly Father is doing the really hard part - the discipline. I needed the structure and the discipline this program calls for. The structure is the diet itself, and again, the discipline by Heavenly Father. There is no way I would have been successful on my own. I would have lasted 3 or 4 days and then lost enthusiasm and given up as I have done so many times before. (to say nothing of the fact that I wouldn't have been able to gag down all the vegetables that I really enjoy now - have enjoyed from day one.

Hey that's another thing that Heavenly Father is doing for me. Will miracles never cease, in my life? I think not! There is another one starting in my life right now. I'll let you guess. It may become obvious over the next few months. I should give a prize for the first one that guesses. Hmmm. I'll ponder on that one.


Melissa was aghast when she asked if this was the diet for the rest of my life and I intimated it was. But the truth is, it's only for today. I can do for 16 hours what would appall me if I thought I had to do it for the rest of my life. And that's the truth.

The best part about it all is that I've learned that God will do for me what I could never do for myself. All I had to do was ask. The asking was easy. So is all the rest.

Well it's 10 to 1:00 and my alarm is set for 5:00. Hope I can finally sleep.

Loves,

Mither

3:25 a.m. - Can't Sleep, Again

I have spent several hours in the dark, trying to go to sleep to no avail. At least, by getting up I can be productive by writing something about the past day.

I have been having symptoms of some kind of medical problem and today (yesterday, actually) I ended up in the emergency room at the hospital to get it checked out. I have been having mornings when I get up at 5:00 only to be so extremely tired that I can barely function. I can hardly keep my eyes open, I can't focus my thoughts, I feel disoriented. I can't carry on a normal conversation. My tongue feel as if it is an inch thick and my speech is slurred. I felt as if I had been given some sort of strong sleeping pill and can't snap out of it.

This happened occasionally at first and then with increasing frequency until this last weekend when it occurred Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Finally I called Dr Brown and when it told them the symptoms, they told me to go to the emergency room. I was in no shape to drive so I asked Stacey if she could drive me there and Joe would come and pick me up after they were through with me.

At the hospital they took me right back and ran several tests of my blood, etc. They even did a "Cat scan" but found nothing conclusive. The Doctor came in my room and talked to me about my medicines and suggested that there were two that could give me the symptoms I described. The main one he seem to think was the problem was Ambien, a strong sleeping pill that I have been taking for 12 years.

He suggested I try taking only half the dosage to see if the symptoms continued. When I talked to Janice and Emilee later in the day they said that maybe since I've lost so much weight the dosage is too high. So we cut down to 5 mg tonight and that may be why I can't get to sleep. I am going to try this for 4 days to see what happens. I hope I don't have a major flare up of fibromyalgia as a result as has happened the last two times I tried to go off.

So.... what else is new?

Well, I get to weigh myself on Wednesday. I am really looking forward to that. It's exciting to see how much I've lost each month.

Also, I've arranged to go on the radio on KSRR 1400 AM on the 27th of the month to talk about CEA-HOW and get the message out that we have a program, based on the 12 steps of
Alcoholics Anonymous that is wildly successful in losing weight, doesn't cost any money, and is the healthiest diet you could imagine. Also there is a marvelously strong support system to encourage you on in your efforts to lose weight or to gain it if you happen to be anorexic. It's for people who have any type of eating disorder

I am a little nervous about doing it for fear the symptoms of whatever is going on in my health might happen on the day I am supposed to go on the air. I have decided to ask one of the other people in our group to be ready to stand in for me if needed.

I'd really like to be the one to do it though because there are only three members of our group who have several years doing various 12 step programs and would be able to talk of how it works. I already asked one of them to do it but she is going to be out of town and I haven't yet reached the other one.

Anyway, I have been praying about this and am sure it will work out the best way. It cost me $125.00 and I am hopping to be reimbursed by the group donations, but if not it will still be worth it to me. I am willing to go to any length to do the 12th step which is sharing the message of recovery from compulsive eating to all who may want to try it.

My mission continues to go well. I am learning some of the things on the computer that would help me in dealing with a candidate but am still far from being able to do it by myself. I don't know if I will be able to do it before my mission ends on December 6th.

I am trying to reestablish the habit of getting up at 5:00 in the morning again but am finding it much harder than when I first started a year ago in August. I think once we get my sleep and feeling drugged problems worked out that it might be a little easier. We'll have to see.

Emilee is having her baby induced on Thursday. I am so happy for her. I am hoping to be of some help to her as she works herself into a routine after the baby is born. I don't think I mentioned that Adam and Stacey's baby girl, Savanna Grace was born last month. I have been able to help her out but only a few times so far. She hardly ever asks. Stacey, if you're reading this, I hope you'll feel better about asking and will do it more often. I may have to say no occasionally but don't let that stop you. I'd love to serve you in whatever way I can. Call on me.

Michelle is also expecting a baby in December. All three are having little girls. That is, Michelle's doctor thinks she is having a girl. They weren't certain but that's what they thought they saw when she had the ultra-sound.

Well that's all for now.

Loves to all,

Mither

Success Is So Fun

Here I Am At 3:10 In The Morning - HUMMM - I'd Rather
be Sleeping.

My life is incredibly wonderful! I'm loving it. I have been well and have had no symptoms of fibro. in 3-4 months. I have been going to my mission for 15 months now. I will be through in December. I've been putting out feelers for future missions, hopefully in the eating disorders meetings in the 12 Step program or in family support for the pornography group. Neither of those places would be dealing with drugs or alcohol so maybe the Church will let me serve there.

My CEA-HOW work continues to go well. I've lost *drum roll* 70 lbs. in 7 months. I get to weigh myself again in one week.

I've arranged to have a 1/2 hour program on KSRR (AM 1400) on the 27th of this month at 9:00 to 9:30 a.m. to discuss CEA-HOW and the wild success we all are having. I'm hoping we'll have several newcomers come to our meeting as a result of my "spreading the message" as required by Step 12. I'm a little nervous about it because I'm not as articulate as I used to be but I'm going forward anyway. I am making this a matter of prayer because I believe there are many women and men in this county who would love to be a part of this program if they only knew about it.

Compulsive eating is one character defect that is socially acceptable in our culture. You can still get a Temple recommend and be fat. So it's not considered a moral defect, but it certainly is a health issue We are destroying the temple - our body -, by our eating habits. We don't seem to have a way to lose weight permanently. But in CEA-HOW we are smashing the barriers and having incredible success.

I feel so much better just with 70 lbs. gone. I have had to buy a whole new wardrobe twice now. Thank heaven for D.I. and Savers. They are my favorite places to shop now. I'm only in clothes for about 3 months at a time, now, so I don't want to buy new, expensive clothes that I will only be wearing 3 months or so. I can get a whole wardrobe at D.I. or Savers for about $100.00. I have found several jackets and sweaters for winter. Finding pants that fit is still a little difficult but even that will get better as I lose weight. I also have found several skirts and one nice Sunday dress.

At Costco I found a cute winter coat that is just a little snug for only $50.00. It should fit me well when winter gets here.

Joe said last night that I was becoming very attractive as I lose weight.... Nice to hear :)
Well it's almost four 'o clock so I better hit the sack. I think I'll set my alarm for 6:00 instead of 5:00 this morning.

Wish me luck in getting a couple of hours of sleep before the alarm rings.

See Ya,

Loves to all,

Mither

Haven't written forever....sorry

My blog has been tied up for about 5 or 6 weeks now so I haven't been able to post anything nor have I been able to comment on anyone else's blog. Just so you'd know that I just didn't love you all anymore.... I am up at midnight again. Can't sleep and the Ambien is worthless. My nights and days have been mixed-up for a couple of weeks now making me unbelievably sleepy when I should go to church or to my mission. I am barely able to keep my eyes open long enough to call my sponsor or receive my sponsee's calls. Half the time I sound drunk, my tongue feels about an inch thick and I am barely coherent. I wonder what my sponsor thinks. She knows I'm LDS. I hope she believes me when I tell her I'm really not drunk, just drugged.

Speaking of my sponsor reminds me to update you all on my progress in CEA-HOW. It's been seven months now and I've lost a total of 82 lbs - 70 of it in CEA-HOW. I can't help bursting into song.... "Wonder of wonders miracles of miracles...." you get the idea. There is a woman in our group who has lost 152 lbs. since a year ago last march. She is looking really great - such an example to me. I should have lost all my weight and be on maintenance by this time next year. I have had to replace my whole wardrobe twice now. Good thing we have a good DI close by.

My trip to Los Angeles was good. I attended a lot of good lectures and ate great abstinent food the whole weekend. I had trouble walking so had to take a wheeled chair all through the airport both going and coming. I went to Dr. Brown to see what's wrong with my legs and my gait. He sent me to have several tests but it looks like just a case of needing to strengthen the muscles in my legs. I got the girls treadmill to help out and am going to go much slower this time so I don't trigger a fibro. flareup again.

I have been shopping for a new bedspread again. My white one finally literally got shredded on my side of the bed where I kneel on it to get up into bed. My efforts to shop around to get a good buy were exhausting and I couldn't find a real bedspread like they used to make when I was a girl so I went on line and found a company that made custom made bedspreads. The prices started at $1,200. for the less nice spread. The one I really wanted was about $1,700.
They were absolutely beautiful but way out of my price range.

So then I decided to make my own. Many more exhausting hours later I finally have what will be a less flashy bedspread but one that will look very nice and match the room as well. But I've put the bedspread on hold until I get Jan and Stacey's baby dresses made and Jan's friend's picture finished. They have been weighing my spirit down for much too long.

I finally have my bedroom all cleaned up except for the dresser, chest and my nightstand tops. That should take me about an hour or so to do tomorrow. It will be absolutely heavenly to go in there and have it looking beautiful again. And I won't be embarrassed anymore to have all the little grandchildren go in and hide their eyes on grandma's bed when we play the mailbox game.

Savanna Grace is just adorable, Stace. And I am serious when I say to call on me anytime you get in a bind with the kids and need some help. I would like to feel more needed and have a chance to serve more. Same goes for the rest of you. Call on me. The worst that could happen is I'll say no and whose afraid of that?

Janelle we need to take Kate out to breakfast. Is Saturday good for you/her? Let us know.

Love, Loves,

Mither

Our Vacation Was Great! Good Books, and Being Committed

We had so much fun!!! It went much too fast and I hardly spent any time at the beach (it was so cold and so windy it about blew us away and made the cold that much colder)

It was a little difficult trying to eat abstinent meals but everyone was so careful to help see that I had food I could eat that it went well for me. I made my pumpkin "pie" and it smelled delicious but tasted terrible. Too much Splenda I think.

We visited all the local sights including two lighthouses, the aquarium (which was amazing), the pools that are made on the beach when the tide goes out and we went to the Tillamook Cheese factory which wasn't local but was very interesting (we bought more cheese than we could eat in a month).... (we'll have to freeze some.) We also visited all the gift shops and a candy store (lots and lots of luscious candy so I bought some for Joe since I couldn't eat it) Turns out that he had been to that same store and bought himself some candy (we weren't together at the time I bought him the candy so I didn't know that he already had some.

The gift shops were richer by a considerable amount when we left them. The girls and I bought some light jackets that were made out of fleece and then a warmer jacket that had a warm lining and a windbreaker outer shell. I bought the small sizes of both jackets as they tended to run a little large. I should be able to wear them by next January or so. Janice tried them on for me so I could see how they would look on me when I reach my goal weight.

We hit a MAJOR traffic jam when were driving to the airport to fly home. It took us an hour to travel two miles. We were all stressed out about it because we didn't want to miss our flight but when we were about 3/4 of the way through the jam we got a call from the airline we were supposed to fly out on saying that the flight was an hour and a half late. We made it with some time to spare - MAJOR RELIEF.

After being cold all week in Oregon it felt really warm when we first got out of the airport that night.

All in all it was a lot of fun. I loved being with the girls and David's family. Annika and Mieka were little angels, never crying or being disagreeable the whole vacation. I never heard David or Melissa even raise their voices at the girls and no "time outs" either. How do they do it? I was a constant "Monster Mom" in comparison. (I know....I know.... I shouldn't compare but it's hard not to when you feel guilty and sorry you didn't do better with your kids. Anyway we enjoyed our time with them all.

I bought three book that got here today. One is a 900 page book "George Washington's Sacred Fire" that disproves the faith destroying teaching that he was a Deist. The other two are books by Hayek on the fatal effect of Socialism and it's ability to destroy America. Both of these books talk about the economic situation of our day as if he had lived in our time. He wrote the books around the 1950"s. He could see the beginning of the end even then.

Emilee made an arresting comment at our 4th of July celebration this month. We were talking about about the wealth and abundance we have in our lives and I made the comment that her children would grow up feeling "entitled" and she said her generation is the one that feels entitled. She thinks her children will grow up saying "remember what we used to have." That's sad commentary on what is happening in America now.

Our children and grandchildren will be the ones to pay for our lack of knowledge about sound economics and the terrible lack of fiscal responsibility in government today.

I leave for my CEA-HOW conference in Los Angeles on Friday. I am starting to get excited about the three day trip and not so scared about going without Joe. I lost another 7 lbs. this last 30 days. So now I weigh 227 lbs down from 292 lbs in January. I still have been granted the power to be disciplined in this program. I am so grateful for the grace of God in my life in this respect. There is an interesting thought from the AA Big Book that says "I can do for 12 hours (of this day) what would appall me if I thought I had to do it for a lifetime." That's the attitude I have to cultivate to stay committed to eating this way long term.

That's all for now,

Love to everyone, Mither

This and That, Summer Holidays

I had such a good time at our 4th of July celebration!!! I love having all my kids and grand babies here. ( missed Seth and his family though) I hate to see the day come to an end when all the kids go home. They all pitched in and got the house all cleaned up. I was a little worried about that as the house was a huge mess and I didn't want to have Janice staying to clean it all up as she usually does. But it was better than it was before they all came. Michelle and Steve even stayed and did all the dishes as well.

I have been feeling weak and tired all day today and now, tonight, I can't get to sleep. Stacey said in her blog that she hasn't been able to sleep at night either. We should get together and commiserate. I haven't been able to sleep several times this last week.

My CEA-HOW program continues to go well but I have been so sleepy in the mornings that I can hardly concentrate on what my sponsees are saying. When I try to respond I feel like I am drunk. I probably sound like it too.

We are going on vacation next week with David, Melissa and their kids and Jan and Jenn. I am really looking forward to it but I worry about where the money is coming from. Then I am going to the CEA-HOW convention from the 23rd to the 25th. Again the money thing is a problem but Joe has been amazingly supportive. I have to admit that it scares me to go without him. I am going with 3 other women but that isn't the same as having Joe there. I don't know how Melissa does it. She has traveled all over the world alone. Maybe it's because she went on a mission to Europe. This is a first for me. I hope I get to feeling better about it.

Well that's all for now. Love to everyone who reads this,

Mither

Yes, I'm still alive,

I know it's been a long time since I wrote. I still find I can't get everything done in the mornings when I go to my mission or go do genealogy with Joe (my brother) and Larry and when I have had time it seems something always interferes. I just have to find a way to get my scripture study done in thd morning. I've been praying about it and the thought came to me to have my sponsees call sometime around 4:00 or 5:00 in the afternoon. I'll have to check it out and see if it works.

I weighed in the 15th of this month and have lost another 5 lbs. I now weigh 234 lbs for a total of 57 lbs lost. I went through my closet and got most of my clothes packed up today and ready to go to the clothing exchange for CEA-HOW. Now I have about a fourth of the clothes left. I am glad I'm losing weight but it is going to be really expensive to replace clothes. One of the women who comes to our group said not to buy new clothes because you'll grow out of them in six weeks. She said to shop at DI. I have done that and gotten clothes from the clothing exchange as well. It's nice to be smaller and find clothes that fit nicely.

I had to find clothes for work as all mine are now gone. I got a cute black and white herringbone skirt (very small herringbone) and one red jacket and one black jacket to go with it. I got several pairs of pants which I really needed because all but two of my pants didn't fit anymore.

I can't write anymore because I have to go back to bed and see if I can get to sleep. I am tired now.

Loves to all,

Mither

The Hospital / Christmas Day

Bowel obstructions are incredibly painful and four days in the hospital not much fun either. At least I didn't have to have surgery so all is well.

Christmas Day means that I lost weight again this month. 14 lbs.!!! for a total of FIFTY POUNDS lost in four months. I have such good food to eat and am more than full after each meal. Giving up anything made with any kind of flour is the hardest part but well worth it to lose so much weight. If I didn't know I was on such a healthy diet I would think it was dangerous. I know I've said that before but it is true. Bring on the vegetables and proteins! :)

Random Thoughts Again

We had our monthly family birthday party last Sunday. Unfortunately I forgot it was Melissa's birthday this month and didn't have a card for her, so I didn't give the girl's their cards. So now I have two birthday cards that I can only use on the 25th of the month. Hope I don't forget. (I can't find my calendar that Melissa made up for the birthdays and summer cookouts. I'm going to have to look harder - I know it is somewhere here as I put it in a special page cover to keep it clean.)

I've been having some pretty serious dizzy spells lately. Dr. Brown has been slowly decreasing my Savella dosage and I haven't had a bad one since the Girl's Night Out (better known as GNO) three weeks ago. I shouldn't be driving as one of my co-workers pointed out to me this week. I'm going to have to work out some arrangement to get to and from work Monday. I think by next Wednesday I should be ok to drive since I will have been off the Savella by then for several days.

Our trees are finally getting leaves on them. My poor little lilac bush is doing it's best to "bloom where it's planted" but for some reason every August something happens to it and all the leaves curl up and practically die before fall. But every Spring it comes back to life as if nothing happened during the last year. It has never been able to grow big at all but has remained stunted all these years (eight) So, I am going to try to transplant it and see if that will make any difference (if it doesn't kill it first.)

Our roses are all getting buds on them and we haven't pruned them yet. Well I take that back, we did prune the two that grow over the arch in the front yard's trellis. We have a cherry tree and a plum tree that also need to be pruned Both of them are getting quite big and have never been pruned so it will take some work to get it done. We bought three new fruit trees this year and planted them in the garden along the back fence so they won't have to be mowed around every week. I still need to buy some bushes to replace the ones that died last year. If I time it right I can get them at Home Depot for $10.00 a bush. That is a huge savings from the regular price in a nursery.

That reminds me, Joe had a man from our ward who is a landscaping contractor come and look at our yard and suggest some ways we could improve it. He didn't charge us for it but asked if we buy some bushes we buy them from him. I hope that doesn't include the bushes I had already planned to buy at Home Depot.

I have been asked to complete the LDS Church Membership Survey 2010 (much like a census only has questions about church activity for ourselves and each of our children.) This is the third time in the last 30 years or so that I have been asked to do something like this. It is amazing to me because I'm sure the church doesn't do this kind of survey but every few years and out of all the millions and millions of members of the Church I should be asked to do it three times. I've never heard of anyone else but me who has been asked to do this kind of survey. The last one asked about our food storage and if we held family home evenings and those kinds of questions. This one asked about family size and the activity level of ourselves and each child. It also asked about each child's marriage (whether it was in the Temple, whether any of us had ever been divorced) and also about what office in the priesthood each of the men in the family hold, missions served, etc.

I'm wearing a bracelet Janice gave me for Mother's Day a year or two ago. It has small pearls, crystals, amethysts and tiny, tiny circles of diamonds, with charms that say "Love," "Mother," "Forever" and a small heart at the end of it. The tiny diamonds aren't real, of course, but it is very pretty anyway. It's so like Janice to make something like this bracelet. I love it. Most of my jewelery is from my children, Karla, or Melissa. I have a lovely Mother of Pearl brooch from Karla and some beautiful black pearls and also fresh water pearls from Melissa. Then I have several pearl necklaces that have little pearls spaced about an inch and a half apart on one strand and then they are combined with other strands that are staggered to make it look like the pearls are almost floating in space. Janice also gave me necklace with a mustard seed in a tiny glass box. It has a tiny gold page that has the quote about having faith as the grain of mustard seed. I tried putting it on a longer chain that I had but over the years since she gave it to me the chain has discolored. I need to get a new chain for it but just haven't found a place that sells gold chains for a price I can afford. I rarely wear much jewelry but everything I have, I love.

I just finished watching a Sherlock Holmes movie with the Guy's Game Night sons and son-in-law (Steve, Michael, Adam and Seth and Joe of course) It was a very entertaining movie but it is late now 10:00 and I am getting up at 4:30 now days so I need to go to bed.

Night All,

Love, Mither

Christmas?

I am a total ingrate! It should have been like Christmas on the 15th but since I only lost 4 lbs. I was seriously disappointed. I guess since I lost 24 lbs the first month and my eating hasn't changed at all I have expected greater weight loss than I've been having. Last month I only lost 8 lbs.

Still 12 lbs for the last two months is better than gaining weight and I am grateful for that, but I don't understand why it is slowing down so much. Still I am committed to this program and will continue my efforts and leave the weight loss results in Heavenly Father's hands.

It's a good thing we only weigh once a month.

If I lose more next month I'll title my post "Merry Christmas," then you won't have to read my blog, you'll just know I am happy.

Two Highs and a Low

Melissa had the neatest idea (as usual-she always comes up with something fun to do) for a girls night out which became a reality this last Friday and Saturday. We (Jenn, Jan, Emilee, Karla, Janelle, Melissa and I) had a slumber party! She has a brother and sister who own a cabin (read really large house) in a canyon East of Heber City. We all stopped at a restaurant in Heber and had dinner and then drove up to the cabin. Up being the defining word for the last two hundred feet of the drive. The hills was steep and very muddy with large ruts that almost devoured Karla's car.

Jenn was hyperventilating by the time they made it to the cabin. (Just kidding, Jenn) We all had to give her a bad time about how scared she must have been even though we weren't there in the car with her (she and Janelle were in Karla's car which doesn't have 4 wheel drive. The rest of us were in Melissa's Jeep which does.) Somehow Jenn has gotten the reputation of being the one to "freak out" at things like that. It was all in good fun and she was good to go along. Karla did and amazing job of driving that little car up such a steep and bad hill. She said her Dad(?) had taught her how to drive like that and she had no doubt that she could do it, and she did! She has an amazing repertoire of talents.

We spent the night playing a couple of games which had some of us feeling very smart and others feeling somewhat less so ;) Then we sat around on big comfy couches and chairs (except for Karla who uncomplainingly sat on the carpet) and just talked for a long time about all kinds of things, ending up with how blessed we were to live where we lived and have the lifestyle we have -- especially compared to most of the people of the world. Then we all went to bed (11:15, not one of those late, late night parties we might have had if we were younger.)

I slept in a bed that was so high that I literally had to get a step stool to get up in. I slept really well most of the night. I did wake up and read my scripture for a little while and then went back to sleep and didn't wake up until about 8:00!(really late for someone who usually gets up at 5:00) Then everyone had a big breakfast of eggs pancakes and bacon(?) (I had two cheese sticks and an apple which weren't as filling, maybe, as there's was but it's worth it for the weight loss)

I fell asleep again in one of the big chairs and when I woke up I heard Melissa cleaning the bathroom right off the main room. I asked her if I could help her but she insisted that I go downstairs and watch the movie everyone else was watching. I have felt guilty ever since that I didn't just start helping out regardless of her insistence. The least I could have done is suggested that we pause the movie and all of us go up and help out with the work. I don't really feel guilty, now days, compared to what I used to. Since I came to understand the atonement I usually handle my guilt feelings by repenting pretty quickly, but this time I felt really guilty all day yesterday, and wished I could go back and do it over again the right way. I don't quite know how to make up for it. I'll have to pray about this one.

We took Joshie out for lunch to celebrate his receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost when I got home from the sleepover. He was really excited. We gave him a little book that talked of all the feelings, warnings and guidance we get from this member of the Godhead and read it while we were waiting for our food to come. We went to I-Hop (International House of Pancakes) He loved the pancakes and on the way home in the car, he asked us about some of the things we read. I told him the story of Heber J. Grant (?) being warned not to go in a shack out in a field by an audible voice and about my sister, Annette, having an audible voice tell her that she could pray about a problem she was having. She hadn't yet thought of doing it so it was a real surprise to hear a voice telling here that. She even looked around her bedroom to see where the voice came from but of course there was no one there.

Joshie was fascinated by the stories and asked if they were true. I reassured him that they were. He asked if that would happen to him and I said it could at some point in his life but he would have to keep the commandments. Then he asked what the commandments were Joe and I both mentioned some of the ten commandments and talked about repenting when he hits his brothers or sister or does something else wrong. It was a priceless "Sunday School" lesson given in answer to his questions, probably one of the best he will have in his young years for that very reason. It was all I could have asked for to teach him about the Holy Ghost. It was a direct answer to my prayers for Joshie.

Today I am really, really down in the dumps. I don't know why. I didn't go to Church today. I felt extremely tired last night and it has hung over to this morning. I did get up at my usual 5:00 o'clock time but went back to bed at 8:00 because I was just so tired. Maybe I'm coming down from such and emotional high that in comparison I'm feeling the down time more.

Anyway, at least I am writing in my blog/journal. Well I have a headache so I'll go take something for it and see if I can concentrate enough to read my scriptures or watch KBYU. They usually have Conference talks or devotionals all day on Sunday.

Well, Cheers,

Mither

Life Goes On....

The flareup has flared down. I can't believe it! It's so good to feel good. I have been on the fibro. medication for about a week and a half now and I think that, a priesthood blessing that was given me a couple of weeks ago, and some very strong pleadings with the Lord in prayer have given me back my life.

I went to my mission yesterday for the first time in almost two weeks. I was thinking on the drive in to work (mission) that I was doing very little work there - I only answer the phone - that I really wasn't needed there. I began praying about it in the car to know the Lord's will and get some guidance. I thought maybe the Lord wanted me to try harder to get the computer skills to do the work with the "candidates" (people who come in for help).

I've had other callings in the Church that in hindsight could have used the kind of prayer I felt impressed to pray right then. Anyway, after praying about it and having different thoughts come to mind, the one that seemed to be from the Lord and not me was --are you I willing to do a "lowly" job that wouldn't be something your ego would benefit from?

Yeah, that was humbling.

I am glad to say that I am more than willing. I have decided to bring good books or my scriptures to work with me so I will have something to do between phone calls.

We celebrated Easter (bunny and candy) last night so it wouldn't interfere with Conference either Saturday or Sunday. We had a barbeque (sans barbeque) after the "hunt" which turned out really well. It has helped to have the two empty bedrooms for the kids to play in even though there aren't very many toys in there to play with. And I wasn't even nervous about food getting spilled which was weird because in all the cookouts we've had indoors (cookouts, indoors?) we've never really had anything spilled. But last night someone spilled a full glass of rootbeer on the tile and carpet and I wasn't even phased by it. Who would have guessed? Maybe all my stressing about it over the years has finally worn off and left me calm and collected. I haven't even checked today to see if there is a big spot on the carpet from it. So what if there is? It was worth it to have all my children and grandchildren there.

We had two broken hearts (with tears) last night. One was Jenni, who didn't get very much candy compared to some of the littler kids who got more time and opportunity to hunt. That one was saved by some candy I bought that wasn't put out for the hunt. I was going to put one chocolate egg in my purse so I would have something if my hypoglycemia ever acted up (or my blood sugar dropped suddenly as it has been known to do.) But I decided later that if my purse was ever left in a hot car I could have a mess on my hands. Anyway Joe absconded with the whole bag and had it up in the bonus room where, thankfully, we had Jenni go to get some.

The other broken heart (with tears) was when Joshie found out that Ethan was going to Conference with Jennifer and he couldn't go because they didn't have enough tickets. That was resolved by Janice giving up her ticket so he could go in her place. I don't think Joshie really knows what he's in for even though everyone tried to tell him it was like a really long Sacrament meeting and he'd have to be quiet the whole time. At least he felt better.

Thanks, Janice, for once again making a sacrifice for someone else's happiness. And thanks again for being the one who stayed longer and cleaned up the mess after everyone. You're an amethyst (my favorite jewel ;) I hope your work wasn't too taxing today and that you get a lot of sleep and rejuvenation tonight. Would you like to come and watch conference with us tomorrow? We'd love to have you.

Well that's all for now,

Cheers!

Mither